Better in time

its much better than last week. i make it over one stage, earlier stage, preliminary stage. and most people agree, first is always the hardest!

thank God Alhamdulillah, i started to see clearly and not so blur-blur like before. my mind also seem focus and can determined what should be next -- next thou sometime got sangkut-sangkut! haha i'm still learning ler.. :)

maybe last weekend, my parents visit and so i don't feel so 'heavy' anymore. the invisible 'burden' on my head and heart, like this world is so harsh and no mercy..speaking of my mom, made me realized one fact. married is what actually?

for me it is sharing. sharing everything, not only good things, bad things, ups and down etc in health or in sick, till death do us part. but i will say, its not end there. maybe physically, but spiritually is more than after death.

as you all concern, my mom being married to my dad since she is 16. (pretty young, ek?) and ever since being right by his side through thick and thin. my mom was my dad biggest supporter and closest, trusted companion. in everything. we're kampung people, thus my mom like every other housewife also help with the kebun things.

but since now my mom not in her pink of health anymore, we're urged mom to just stay home and doing easy and simple things only. no need to meddle anymore with kebun things. let my dad and my youngest brother handle that. by the way, my mom used to be as strong as a bull! i sometime wish i was just like her, not so manja-manja too much! ahaha 

but yesterday (and lately) my mom silently devouring her regret that she no longer can help my dad. and from her point of view, it is now like she is a burden for my dad. since she cant help to fork out money, but need to buy medicine for her etc

i was speechless actually. seldom for me to give any opinion or response when it come to matters as big as this. i always think i was just a little (little meh?) kiddo in my house! but yesterday i try to give my best opinion. i said "mak, you're marrying to bapak. as a wife not a general worker." it is my dad responsibility to take care of my mom in any way, no matter how difficult, no matter what happen. the akad is for forever, not only awhile or have any due date on it!

i think its never cross my dad's mind. because so far, i see he's caring towards my mom even more now than before. able to voice out his concern and worries about mom which previously kept into his serious and fierce personality. furthermore, mom was closely on his side when dad fall really sick last 2009 (and i will always remember the scene). the year full of trouble, for all of us.

maybe sometime dad just need time alone (just like any other men, i think?) and the fact that now, mom seem having trouble with her mind sometimes, that dad have to think and decide on his own way. and mom felt offended realizing her deteriorate condition. i wish i could really do something...  

time really fly fast. when my dad fall sick, i realized i was so weak and cant do anything! i built wall around me, distance, because i cant see it. it's breaking my heart seeing whom i once saw as proud and standing tall, suddenly become weak. i run from the fact, unable to withhold my own pride...but i learn as well, learn that i still got time. to do something while i still can.

sure, everything happen for a reason. its like a roller coaster, sometimes up, there are down. who can learn the lesson, and make change will survive. survive might not be the correct word, less regret! i hope i'll be better in time, whatever the challenges. hope i'll learn from every tries, content with every bless, help others with what little i have.

strong as my mom, hero as my dad! :) i never say this, but its true. i love you! *OMG theres habuk in my eyes pula! haha