bz bee

today went smooth from morning to afternoon. again, come in late! haha but pretend nothing happen! haish..it's already in my blood i think! dont feel any guilt coming to work late. need to upgrade on this asap! wish me best of luck...

smooth but no empty slot today to play around or anything. everything was lining nicely side by side waiting for my personal touch to make things happen. i'm contended among the rumbles of papers, emails of quotations and po's, notes and sticky notes of task or orders from my boss, paper clips, reminders, phone in and out to suppliers asking for deliverable bla bla bla because i love management! i love managing things.

best of all, i can answer 'YES' 'DONE' 'CONFIRM' 'SURE' when my boss asked. i can already figure out my task! alhamdulillah! thanks the Almighty for listening to my silent pray and sheepish hope. getting comfortable with my works now thou hi-cups every now and then! :) even better because i can do things, almost everything just by seating on my chair, clicking on my mouse, pointing the cursor here and there -- no need to run or scream or scold or etc which is pathetic and tiresome. alhamdulillah...

everyone is busy today. less talking, more working. good. felt guilty thou but it is understandable. so we'll play around when we have time, ok! ahaha theres one quotes about this. i'll paste at the end later.

this post sound so bored right? better end here. haha but wait, congratulation to Malaysian football team. thou loose to singapore tonite, it is a very good start to our football industry. maybe we'll be better next year? but it's kinda disappointing when despite every player can kick the ball to score goal, our player depend much to jersey no 10 only to make score.

for me, just go and kick the ball! let it mean kicking the opponents players, let it yellow card by the reff, let it outside, offside or whatever..just kick the ball and score! who cares...by the end, its the score that counts! hihi anyway, gambatte next time around! :)  

Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot ~ D. H. Lawrence. English novelist (1885 - 1930)

i'm not saint la!

burned! i'm so 'kaya' today. burned 200 for something stupid which suppose to be covering me but turn out it's burned my pocket! stupid! wasting! my already-hard-earn-money + my time all these while goes to waste! and the fella' try to say something like 'sedangkan nabi ampunkan umat'.

well then, i'm not saint! bakka!

not suppose to write this wrath here but i think it's good sometimes to show how ferocious i can be! wait la..i gave you more than a month to make your step or excuse or anything. but you end up wasting even more of my time! enough said, let's end it there!!

i hate these kind of things! this kind of fella'! dont know how on earth i stumble with them! bakka 100x

i'm ok despite the burned in my pocket. feeling so sleepy the whole day and for the first time sleep for about 20 good-minutes during lunch, since last night i slept at 4am! doing what? reading my newly-bought books ler..writing here and there, so many thing to be written so i dont forget. so i can remember how sweet it was or how painful it could be!

today rather blur2 since i was sleepy. plus with the usual boring and never ending request to buy things, i felt like want to do bunjy-jumping or anything adrenalin rushing! hmm this weekend seem so great to do outdoor activities like that! i have full two days free on my own! walaw.... :D

aaa...turning to my right, saw a line of my three cute 'son'. Jack, Sparrow & Johnny! if only the 200 not burned, maybe i can get my HG red astray with japanese sword on it! aaa..geramnya!! geram! geram! geram!

Jack, Johnny & Sparrow

these feeling makes me hungry! i was hungry actually. but then loss my appetite by what just happen! but now, feels like eating a lot! while watching! i dont care. i'm NOT saint!

I'm NO saint..just unchained rebel demon! 

rain vs sun

writing post in english, this whole week! wah! gonna takes a lot of me...hehe

anyway, i'll started with a newly downloaded mp3 that i think i like a lot! its a raining sound! i like rain, remember? it's so soothing and cooling and i cant hear nothing but the sound of the raindrops. it makes me forget everything else, just focus on the raindrops. the heavier the rain, the better!

ceh! writing in english seems less feeling because i'm not borne with it. thou i like english, and i think red means 'redder' in english rather than 'merah', my writing skills is so weak and i usually dont know where i go or where it should end! but i'll try thou...ganbatte!

i bought a book - two books actually, this afternoon! i'm always a book enthusiast and i wish to have a rack full of books on my home someday! i even can imagine them right now! wahaha a corner complete with a cosy chairs and reading light, facing big open window/balcony, next to a small round table with a hot cup of tea, and i'm there lazying around with a books on weekend afternoon! wah! perfect! :D

cant wait to have my own house......pleaseeeeeeee....... (*_*)

my dream dining space (*_*)

i usually buy malay books instead of english, but i prefer readest digest if i want to buy english stuff. i think its complete, handy, and i remember read the magazine aloud just to test my pronunciation! but the price rm15/mag is something choking! alternatively try to find the twin issues (current issues + old issues) packed at rm15. worth the money! been planning to subscribes for a year, but maybe wait till i have a permanent address! ahahaha

the books, so far is good. one is a motivational kind of things. seeing life from the perspective of people who was about to die. but he is so strong and i would like to be like him. his ideas and way of thinking was preached by many of his students and shared globally! the other book also about the same. learn the value of life from the eyes of poor and illiterate people who didn't wish to stop learning, didn't give up on life no matter what happen. the first chapter of the book, already made me cry! (*hate that!) i will write later on the book, from one of my favorite writer Andrea Hirata. i already have 3-4 of his books including this! :)

dine with kak yatie before that, it's our meatball day! haha tuesday. this is the last tuesday since next tuesday the meatball prize will get back to its normal price. think around rm15, now at rm10 only. by the way, next month already ramadhan. sure every place will packed with people dinning and breaking fast at almost the same time.

me? have no plan yet. this is the dilemma for singles like me since i hates cooking for one people but i have to cook or else have to 'tapau' mcD/kfc/BK/pizza/dominos/a&w (and the list rotates everyday!). buy from bazaar ramadhan? sure, you dont know me! fyi - i'm phobic going to crowded place like 'pasar malam' or bazaar ramadhan etc haishhhhh....

ok - ok forgiven for the breaking fast, but for sahur? can i just sahur milo + dates, please? i like sahur (early morning eating, usually before dawn, to prepare for the whole fasting day) but again nobody cook for me makes sahur less favorable! oowwhhh...miss mommy on this kind of time! my magnificent mom! i never heard any cooking sound as she cooks at that wee hour (except if i awake the entire night!), yet the food was always on the table just by the time i wash my face! (*tidur kayu!)

hem..speaking of this. must plan something this weekend, like stocking up my groceries? dates! lets buy a lot of that! milo, sausages, chili souse, eggs, salad hahaha notice or not? it's all instant food! hahaha

so happy to think about coming ramadhan. i forgot things in the office. as usual, never ending! just think like my task done, another urgent comes in! bluerggg...bored! everything also urgent! now i know why sharon so tense! because everything urgent! like the world will stop if we didn't make buying! haha (*what la? just about 3 weeks doing the task, i'm bored already! want to jump building? feed hungry crocodiles?)

ha..speaking of that. anybody notice theres a radio commercial i think by canon. in bahasa (hot fm), where at the end of the commercials, the wifey says "cepat, bang. penyu tu lari laju!" (faster honey, the turtles run so fast!) hahahaha where got turtles can run? some more so fast! hahaha make my days :)

anyway, my day at the new office still slow and bored to death! hehe i even take some supplement for the first time, to avoid being death of bored! wahahaha dont worry much, its just to stabilized my rebellion demon inside! ahaha i dont know what else to do. let it be. just me and my self, just me and my job, just me and ...... bla bla bla at least sometimes, still get cossy and warm talks with my old friends :( kind of relieve since my 'heart' still unattached at this new place. dont know whats went wrong, dont care much. give another month..hihihi

go sandy, go!

maybe at least, i need a co-worker who can 'compete' with me along the race. inspiring me to keep on this track like O-yen (his name is keith or Ray or..so many other name!) but he will be sent to Genting next month. he is the most spirited co-worker i've meet so far, thou fresh grad. guess what? his degree in electronic & physics! wuooo...gila punya olang! but, to cut a wire takes him some nice few minutes! ahahaha (*he said himself ha...not me!)

a job well done, a sleeping cat on the hot sunny days, etc what makes Virgo happy ~ san_bu       

ohana means family

sabtu malas nak post report, sebab ada kat umah adik aku. bermalam kat sana since ahad pagi nak balik kampung. sebelum tu menghabiskan masa dan 'ekhem' duit pergi lepak minum kopi and sembang berjam-jam dengan huda! hahaha kalah orang business! saja, tu cara kitorang hangout!

lunch korean food, teka makan apa? aku makan spicy beef + hair! very long hair! kalau sekali aku x berapa nak marah, tapi lepas tukar pun ada lagi! aku malas nak cakap apa-apa lagi....karang aku 'bakor' plak kedai tu! haish anggaplah tu first and the last! then pergi low yat cari usb cable yang aku 'iklankan' tu. huh! memang tak ada...

tak apa, at least aku dah usaha. tahap dewa, tapi memang tak ada. so, selamat tinggal cable usb. aku akan request 2m only! lantak ko lah encik engineer nak arrange macam mana. melainkan ko nak beli extension...

sampai kampung dalam pukul 11 kot. sebenarnya tak payah masak, daddy dah order dari kedai. so basically just set up kat umah je. prepare kuih, pinggan, cawan etc tapi tugas paling getir aka memasak tak payah buat. aku lebih prefer masak sendiri sebenarnya, baru trill! tapi dah my dad request nak beli je, beriyani gam kambing dan ayam tu! ni kenduri kahwin ker kenduri punggahan? hahaha risau aku!

makan...makan...makan....gelak, sembang, basuh pinggan, makan lagi...gelak lagi...akhirnya around 3pm, kenduri start. ended at around 5pm. meet my auntie, sepupu sepapat yang jauh dan dekat. tak lah meriah macam kenduri besar, tapi oklah. aku suka jumpa mak cik aku sebelah bapak aku nih. sebenarnya dia setiap kali pun fail nama aku dengan nama adik aku! selalu tertukar! tapi aku suka dia, dia mengingatkan aku kat nenek aku! hihi

setiap kali raya, umah dia ada 'rendang campur' yang unik yang kitorang amat2 suka. dalam rendang tu ada daging, paru, limpa bla bla bla tapi kat umah dia jek boleh jumpa rendang ni! tempat lain semua tak ada. then dia akan mix my name and my sister's name. haha

she's the only auntie sebelah bapak yang masih ada. yang lain-lain semua dah kembali ke sisi Rabb. bersama2 nenek dan datuk kedua2 belah mak dan bapak. aku tak pernah jumpa atuk aku. both of them. so, selalu agak jealous bila diorang cerita sal atuk lelaki diorang. while i never had any experience of it :( atuk saudara (abang kepada nenek sebelah emak) adalah, tu pun tak lama. sebab sekarang dia pun dah tak ada lagi. yang tinggal hanya kenangan, bau kemenyan rokok daun dia dan gelak besar dia yang kuat bukan main! hahaha

kenangan; hari ini aku melihat lagi. bagai filem lama, hitam-putih. berputar menjadi tanda bahawa masa memang berlalu. manusia berganti. ada yang muda, bayi dan yang telah tua, uzur malah telah pergi. tak pasti, apa yang aku pelajari dari semua ini. mungkin sekadar saksi, mungkin merindui, atau mungkin tanda sayang tak terperi! *buat mereka semua yang telah pergi, pernah punya walau secebis pun memori. terima kasih, kerana pernah ada di sini. moga-moga aman di sisiNya abadi.   

penat, tapi rasa berbaloi. aku selalunya malas atau tak suka campur sangat kalau ada event. roller coaster, kadang2 aku excited bukan main, kadang2 aku menyampah, malas nak layan, peduli apa! tulah aku! ahaha aku malu-malu kucing nak kenal semua sedara mara, terasa aku bukan sesiapa. atau pun aku tak punya cerita. tapi seronok juga tengok diorang ni. unik. masing-masing ada cara tersendiri, ketawa tersendiri, cerita tersendiri. macam aku juga, tak semua indah. tapi tak juga semua pahit!

life's like that :)

di sini aku tuliskan kesyukuranku. untuk semua keluarga yang ada sisi. masih ada atau pernah ada atau pun yang bakal ada! alhamdulillah. terima kasih tuhan, menjadikan hidup ku, ada pertalian. ada identiti. aku bukan yatim piatu, bukan sebatang kara. menjadikan hidup ku ada warna-warni, punya serinya tersendiri. punya makna yang mungkin hanya aku mengerti. punya teladan yang boleh aku pelajari. warna kulit mungkin berbeza, bahasa mungkin tak sama. tapi menjadi manusia ditengah-tengah berbilang bangsa dan keturunan, adat dan pedoman, tradisi dan kepercayaan, adalah sesuatu yang amat aku syukuri. ia rasa yang ajaib. rasa betapa kecilnya aku, di tengah tulisan takdir Mu.

insyaAllah, seminggu lagi ramadhan datang lagi! terasa-rasa indahnya, terdengar-dengar panggilannya. bulan paling aman, paling tenang, paling baik. mudah-mudahan kita semua berjaya dari awal hingga ke hujungnya. ditabahkan segala dugaan. aku rasa paling terharu, kerana pada ramadhan semua pintu neraka ditutup serapatnya. manakala semua pintu syurga terbuka luas, menyambut pulang jiwa-jiwa hamba yang kembali pada fitrahnya. dan aku paling kagum, kerana pada bulan ramadhan, kita menahan diri dari makan di siang hari, bukan kerana tiada makanan. tapi kerana perintah Tuhan!

here i come! :)

all heaven's gates are open and all hell's gates sealed tight. to welcome back every souls to its natural servant path ~ san_bu  

nostalgia ikan masin

ahahaha..hari kedua hanya aku berdua dengan bos dalam bilik purchasing! kesian bos! sebab dia agak kaki bercerita juga sebenarnya, tapi sebab aku macam 'malu2' kucing nak bergurau senda dengan dia, so dia pun x berapa nak jadi la bersembang! ahahaha

tanya mana nak beli angry bird ntuk anak dia la, seb baik semalamnya ada nampak kat living cabin. at least ada la juga modal. sebenarnya banyak je angry bird punya toys sekarang, sepah-sepah. dia nak cari yang besar macam bantal, anak dia suka sangat! hehehe aku sengih jek..

NO! I'm just rebelling...

entah mengapa, aku lebih suka berdiam diri kat sini. malas nak tegur orang, malas nak cakap dengan diorang, tak juga bermesra-mesra dengan sesiapa. tak juga cuba mengambil tahu perihal business company ni. product apa pun aku tak berapa tertarik nak amik tau! ahaha parah nih! mungkin tak sempat, mungkin isolated, mungkin ah! mungkin sebab aku belum mahu! kalau aku mahu, laut pun aku renang, gunung pun aku daki! wah! :D

menjelang tengah hari, bos aku tanya "ada bau ikan masin x?" betul! aku pun terperasan juga ada bau pelik dalam bilik tu since aku masuk. tapi pepagi tadi tak ada la pula. dalam pukul sepuluh/sebelas tu baru ada. aku ingatkan ada sesapa memasak ke? bau sampai ke dalam bilik! tapau ke, kan? tapi tak ada la pula..dah le semalamnya teman wani berbuka dengan nasi goreng ikan masin! nostalgia betul! menjelang petang, bau semakin parah. sah! ada cicak mati tersepit kat mana2 nih! tapi x tau and malas nak cari!

solution: buka je la tingkap. kurang sket bau pelik menusuk2 hidung! erk...esok suruh sures cari! wakakaka tak kuasa aku nak cari. i'm very un-interesting! ahaha

esok keje, ada farewell party untuk sorang staff by 11. first time aku akan jumpa bos besar kot. ke selama ni, aku jumpa di mana2 tapi x kenal! wahahahaha staff derhaka! hmm..apa2 pun, cam tulah aku kat sini. hari-hari dah semakin baik, kerja pun dah semakin boleh catch-up, cuma belum ada cinta! ekekeke

esok plan nak g makan korean bbq dengan huda. pastu g low yat! hmm..last time aku pergi, dah tak hengat bila. tapi sesak dengan semua benda yang kelihatan 'sama' and harga pun beza 2-3 ringgit jek! untuk orang cam aku yang sangat cerewet ni, aku amatlah sukar membuat pilihan jika terdapat terlalu banyak pilihan! last-last nanti aku tak boleh juga pilih! hahaha

so selalunya aku suka pergi tempat yang tak ramai orang, yang aku boleh berlama-lama merenung membaca label, siap keluarkan kalkulator la etc tenang, tak rushing, limited option kepada 3-4 jenis jek..hmm barulah aku boleh pilih dengan bersungguh-sungguh! selalu bab-bab shopping adik aku la jadi mangsa! kena teman aku yang berjam-jam memilih. sebab semua pun aku tak berkenan! hihihi

lepas tu balik umah adik aku, since ahad pagi nak gerak balik kampung. erm..x leh la bercuti sepuas-puasnya ahad ini. kena tunggu minggu depan, cuti sabtu dan ahad! :D tak sabarnya!

ha! ni ada satu citer sedey! kena saman lagi! bosannyer!!!! apa sajalah masalah diorang ni tah. geram tol aku. menguatkan semangat aku nak buat lesen motor and beli motor! tapi macam bahaya jek kat bulatan tu. abang aku kata aku pendek sangat, tu sebab dia x suggest aku naik motor. haha yelah, kang jatuh kang, dia juga la kena datang dari bangi tu! ikikiki

well nak buat cemana, nak cari 'orang' tinggi, x jumpa-jumpa! ahaha x pela, adalah ni hikmahnya di mana2 nanti. oleh itu redha je la buat masa ini. kejap lagi ok la. keep up the good work, bebeh! :D

Ego S...seswai ngat dgn rebel dan owh! merah! (*_*)

jika teringat tentang dikau

despite semua benda yang berjalan dengan baik kat opis hari ni (biar pun hanya tinggal aku dengan bos!), malamnya rasa sedih pula! tengok 'hantu susu' kat astro, gelak-gelak. tetiba sedih pula. teringat seseorang! mm..mnyampah!

rupanya gambar tiket yang dia beli tu edited! ceh! benci! dia kata bukan beribu pun, apatah lagi vip seat! siap gelakkan aku lagi..hampeh jek! tapi, sebenarnya aku pun tak pasti apesal aku nak marah? kalau beribu pun, duit dia. dia ada duit ke, tak de duit ke, bukan ada kaitan dengan aku pun...tapi, entah. aku rasa membazir gile2 kalau dia betul2 buat camtu! which is, nasib baik x betul..hahah

*kalau x, mungkin dia akan kena marah selama seminggu! ahahahaha

despite semua yang berjalan lancar, dapat instruction dari bos besar soh aku tukar tempat. alaaaa...x best!!! aku suke seat aku sekarang. sangat privacy and aku sangat suke privacy supaya aku boleh concentrate dengan keje aku. kalau aku pindah seat baru ni, alamatnya samalah dengan imt dulu. duduk di laluan traffic paling busy! aaaa...x sukeeeeeeee!!!!

sebenarnya aku pun tak tau kenapa dia nak soh aku tukar seat. maybe sebab dekat cctv tu dia selalu tengok aku sengih2 kot! ahaha tapi klu aku pindah pun, aku still sengih2 juga! tu maknanya aku bersungguh2 taw bekerja! menjiwai watak! wakakaka

tak pun sebab aku pendek sangat! sampai dia lalu-lalu nampak macam bilik purchasing tu x de orang! terlindung partition board! ahahaha kalau ini, memang tak boleh tolong la..maybe aku kena request kerusi yang tinggi sikit? ahahaha

gelak supaya tak terasa sakit hati!

tak de, tak de...aku nak membangkang juga! biarlah table tu kosong, boleh buat letak barang-barang receive. nak process register masuk warehouse. kalau aku dok situ, pedestal pun x de tempat. dah le printer bawah meja, pedestal lagi. pastu kalau orang nak clear barang pun x de tempat. x practical la, kan..x kira. aku nak buat rebellion! (*tepuk dahi!)

hari ni dah khamis lagi sekali. esok jumaat lagi sekali. cepat masa berlalu. tadi call daddy, nampaknya kena balik ahad ni. tak cukup kaki tangan. hmm..boleh lah. daddy dah request. tak berhati perut aku nak menolak. kalau aku malas nak bangun kerja isnin tu, paham-paham je la, ye bos? ki3

bagus juga balik kenduri tu, boleh aku amik bahagian. untuk bintang juga. supaya dia tahu, aku belum lupa...haha cuma malasnya, malas nak bersua muka dengan orang kampung. nanti diorang suka tanya; aku ni siapa? anak siapa? dah berpunya? oh belum, bila lagi? kenapa adik dah anak sorang, awak belum lagi? :(

hmmm kalaulah aku ada jawapan -melainkan sengih, best juga. tak adalah aku segan sangat. diorang ni pun, tanyalah soalan sensitif tu kat parent aku ke, abang-kakak aku ke..jangan la tanya aku. hieshhhh...tapi nanti mesti bapak aku tolong jawab; dia 'sekolah' belum habis!

hahahaha aku suke jawapan tu! full marks! score!! :D

rabu yang merajuk sal tiket mahal tu, aku balik keje dan berfikir. betul ke? aku ni serius ke? pastu suara hati aku pun berkata, dah itu cara dia. tak kan nak expect dia simpan duit buat haji pula? mungkin la kalau tuhan izinkan. tapi, tu lah...aku serius meh? dan bila hari ni dia cakap, tiket tu edited jek. aku pun x marah lagi. rasa nak tergelak sangat2 jek! cemana la aku boleh percaya ek? tapi soalan semalam masih sama...di fikiran.

benci r tulis pasal nih!

akankah kasih ku direstu? kali ini? ~ san_bu

kucing majuk!

hari ni macam semalam. tak banyak perkara terjadi sepanjang hari kat ofis. alhamdulillah. berjaya siapkan kebanyakkan benda yang pending. masih ada lagi baki-baki, tapi ini kes yang memang tak boleh tolong punya!  lantaklah ko..malas nak buat apa2..since aku dah try cari, memang benda tu tak ada. nak buat cemana? bior, kalau urgent sangat, bior engineer tu cari sendiri. kalau dia boleh bagi tau aku nama kedai, buleh sangat2 aku pegi beli! claim dari aku nanti pun boleh! x de hal punya! hrrrrrr.....

selain dari tu, tadi aku menapau lunch. lapar. since semalam lapar x habis2, kes x baca doa makan kot? ahaha lenkali aku baca panjang2 sikitlah, boleh diet! hihihi (melampau punya budak!) tapi, tu sebabnya aku jarang keluar lunch kat sini. dah le limited, x banyak choice, x selesa, x sedap, x berbaloi......bla bla bla 

bukan x bersyukur, tapi entahlah. banyaklah komplen aku kalau aku keluar nanti. pastu nanti mulalah, masinlah, pahitlah, kering sangatlah, x de sayur lain lah etc etc hihihihi aku ni memang banyak songeh kekadang! sila paham-paham yer... :X

alamak! esok sures x de. jumaat pun x de. mati kutu lah aku jawabnya tinggal berdua je dengan bos! erkkk..sejak-sejak add skype aku ni, adesss! bertali arus arahan dia! x cukup pakai mulut, forward email, skype lagi! adooi..sabar bos, satu-satu ler...tak terkejar aku nak kejar quotation! tengok muka aku ni macam muka ada price tag meh? dia ingat aku call enquiry terus dapat ker hapa? haishhh...

yang 3 hari lepas pun x settle lagi, 2 hari lepas pun belum sempat reply, hari ni dia dah bagi list nak pricing lagi! gilos! tender pricing aku nak cari, pr pricing aku nak cari juga! mana satu tah....gerrrrrr aku pun kekadang saja jek 'bermain' skype. tensen dah..tetiba x tahu mana satu aku nak buat! hahaha lantak ko la...hahaa

petang, aku sangat tak berpuas hati dengan satu kedai pc kat low yat ni. memula call dia kata ada, sekali 2nd time call tak ada la pula! dengan 'senang hati' mamat tu cakap minah yang jawab telifon cakap 'ada' tadi tu x taw apa-apa! siap cakap, minah tu cashier je, semua usb cabel pun dia ingat sama jek! amboi2 mamat ni..sedap jek mulut dia bercakap. macam dia tengah cakap dengan 'abang' dia pula! dia ingat aku ni bukan pompuan ker? bengos!

rasa macam nak pergi low yat je malam ni. tapi malas! aku pun nak beli barang sendiri tak pernah pergi low yat tu! tetiba pula nak pergi untuk kompeni? hah....mungkin lah, kalau dah x ada choice lain. hihi tapi memang semua kedai pc yang mampu aku pergi sendiri, memang cakap x ada. cabel ni max 2m jek. entah cemana engineer tu dengan confident cakap ada! aku pun x taw lah...

sesapa berjaya temukan aku dengan kedai yang ada stock cabel ni, confirm aku belanja mcD! wahahaha *sebar2kan lah ye! muahahaha

usb A - mini B (5 pin)

ok, rasa nak tido awal sangat2..sebelum pukul 11! ahahaha sebab tak banyak nak tulis. ops! sebelum tu..aku 'bengang' ada orang beli tiket konsert mahal-mahal! vip seat lagi! hampeh jek! malas nak cakap terus, sampai balik...hahaha

logik x? dah tu, harga tiket tu beribu siot! tu pun dia beli! haper dah x ada benda lain dia nak beli??? eish3x tetiba aku jadi muncung pulak...............

tekanan wanita malaysia - tangga ke-16 dunia!

tukar format lagi. this week semua post in bahasa. (wlu pun sebenarnya - rojak!) ahaha

topic of discussion masa dengar radio pagi tadi! kenapa wanita mudah tertekan? ramai ler lelaki2 yang mengomen itu ini. tapi aku tertarik dengan satu komen - oleh seorang perempuan. katanya; perempuan memang secara natural multi-tasking. dan antara sifat utama perempuan juga, nak kan kesempurnaan. semua nak sempurna..so bila dah memang boleh buat semua kerja (kerja pejabat, kerja rumah tangga, urus anak, suami, diri sendiri...the list goes on!) dan nak semua tu sempurna (which some of these iron-lady successfully did!); imagine - sibuknya wanita ni! wah! salute! :D

tapi tekanan iron-lady ni ialah bila mereka tak dihargai..fragile kan? life's like that. aku pernah dengar, perempuan sangat 'kuat' dari lelaki. pernah dengar kan pepatah 'disebalik kejayaan seorang lelaki, berdiri teguh seorang wanita dibelakangnya'. woa..hebat ni! tapi tak pernah dengar yang disebaliknya. maksud aku lelaki yang berdiri teguh disebalik kejayaan wanita..haha

anyway, aku rasa perempuan memang sangat kuat. secara mental. lelaki secara fizikal. tuhan tu adil, dah beri kelebihan untuk tiap-tiap satu kejadian. so kenapa wanita masih tertekan? jadi aku setuju, faktor pasangan yang tidak menyokong atau menghargai wanita ini hingga menyebabkan mereka rasa tertekan, adalah benar. buktinya carilah sendiri! malas nak tulis hahaha

moral of the story, be it you are man or woman, hargailah satu sama lain. aku tak leh komen banyak-banyak sebab aku pun single hahaha tapi life together is about sharing. sharing in everything, not only the sweets of life, but also the bitter of it. kalau nampak macam boleh dibantu, tolonglah. janganlah main lepas tangan jek! nanti mulut lepas jek, marah pula! hahaha

selalu-selalu lah puji each other (siapa lagi kalau bukan kita yang puji kan? kan? kan?), or simply sympathized with their problem (even by only lending your ears to listen!), help them feel better about themselves, talk nicely with each other, respect and care walaw! aku dah jadi kaunselor rumah tangga!!! ahahaha

ok-ok, jangan tertekan! x mou cakap lagi sal ini. appreciate life while you still can! :) happily live, to everyone, amin :)

hari ni balik awal..ahah! bukan sebab tertekan...tapi sebab keje dah siap! owh best...lega sikit. sebenarnya banyak lagi quotation yang kena tunggu, tapi lambat sangat. sampai tertekan aku tunggu! haha pr yang tak boleh process, x pelah, esok boleh settle kan..

sometime, aku ni suka buat sesuatu yang 'bahaya' lepas tu baru aku ada rasa nak buat sesuatu dengan bersungguh-sungguh! macam sebelum ni, bila aku rasa 'free' sangat, sampai rasa baik x yah g office since x de apa nak buat, aku pun mc! haha (jangan bagi tau sesapa...ki3) sebenarnya aku x suka jumpa doktor, fabricate story - buat muka kesian etc tapi sebab dah hyper malas, malas level 'advance' - cara nak cool down ialah amik mc @ EL! haha

lepas tu neutral balik. sebab aku dah 'terjun' ke jurang yang bahaya. so expect me to be so perfect until one point, aku akan gave up semua! tiba-tiba! saja bagi orang gelabah, pastu oklah. ada komen yang pernah aku dengar ialah 'i just want to feel alive!'

betul? angkat tangan setujuuuuuu....

hari ni ada perkara best, tapi tak boleh tulis kat diary ni! kena tulis tempat lain! ahahaha :) so end here. take care, lots of love from me...(p/s nak pergi goreng roti canai segera - lapar!)

kucing sengih mode!

      Arabella Rose ~ 'atuk' Trump name Ivanka newborn daughter! ~ san_bu 

hidung berlari??

hari ni tak ada banyak untuk dikongsikan. dari pagi sampai petang, bertungkus lumus! kan dah cakap kena process pr/claim yang bersepah2 tu..rasa nak 'bakor' jek pula! haha geram

so far semakin baiklah semuanya. cuma aku sangat sibuk sekarang. baru rasa dah clear sikit pr -- teeet! masuk lagi! tu yang rasa nak bakor tu! grrrr..so sekarang ni masa yang bagus untuk aku figure out best way to manage or plan my task. walau pun semua pr urgent, mesti ada priority or laws supaya aku tak lah macam orang giler terkejar-kejar itu ini!

hmm..i need to establish a system! this week aku akan cuba fikirkan bagaimana, cedok-cedok kat mana-mana, atau pun 'rasuah' je sharon soh tolong fikir! wahahaha jahat! pastu this saturday boleh dibentangkan dalam mesyuarat kabinet. ahahaha kalau tak, jawabnya aku kena buli je la dek semua orang! x boleh balik-balik dari office!

ok, malas cakap lagi sal office. ada banyak pula mende masuk dalam kepala secara tiba-tiba. kebimbangan tak bertepi2 hihihi x berhati perut betul kebimbangan itu, bagilah aku peluang bernafas! @_x

hmm..this weekend aku mimpi bende pelik lagi. mimpi bintang dan lebih 'creepy' aku mimpi mencuba memahami perasaan dia! erm..x sure how to explain. tapi aku mimpi berbaring di tempat dia berada, merenung bulan-penuh di langit dari tempat dia berbaring!

dia marah ke pada bulan? apakah maksud mimpi tu sebenarnya? hmm...janganlah buat aku rasa bersalah. aku dah mencuba menunggu, tapi menunggu kamu adalah perkara yang tak berhujung. dan aku sudah tak mahu menunggu. jangan bimbang juga, aku tak akan lupakan kamu. kecuali kalau aku telah nyanyuk! :)

hidung berlari! orang putih kata running nose. itu yang berlaku sejak jumaat yang sakit tekak. hari ni suara tak terkeluar, telinga kurang dengar, sebab hidung tersumbat. haha tak ada yang menarik hari ni. so aku nak buat preparation untuk hari esok. iron baju la, tidur awal la (1am awal x?), berangan dulu la, menyanyi dulu la etc hihihihi

sebelum tu, sebelum aku lupa. plan this week ada banyak betul benda nak buat! nak bayar saman, nak renew roadtax, nak pergi kwsp (ni nak kena amik 3 hour leave nih!), nak apa lagi ek? kenduri punggahan on 24th, x balik lah. sebab sabtu tu keje! owh! bosan! dan erm..lagi..lagi...eh? dah hujung bulan 7 dah ek? cepat masa berlalu!

bulan depan puasa! yey! selamat datang ramadhan :) semoga ditabahkan segala yang menjadi dugaan, amin.

memory; good or bad, will stay with you forever. shaping you in every future decision you take. making who you are. it's so badly priceless, unless you turned senile! ~ san_bu

bila telah datang cinta

Patutnya entry ni in english. selang seli setiap hari. tapi malas pula nak tulis english. saja, nak lagi feel..haha lagi pun entry ni patut post on friday night, tp sebab kureng kesihatan - sakit tekak. (demam bit bit hihihi) so tulis hari sabtu..(yang sebenarnya dah masuk hari ahad!)

jumaat kat opis agak bertenang. knowing that its friday, memang selalu aku sangat enjoy friday. sebab esoknya cuti! weeheei (lompat..lompat..) tapi jumaat ini x la begitu mengujakan, sebab sabtu dah kena keje sekarang.. :(

sekerat hari jek, tapi after few years x payah bangun awal hari sabtu, suddenly change rutin adalah sesuatu yang sangat............erk! dah le tu, pagi sabtu ni hujan renyai-renyai pula! indahnya jika dapat meneruskan pelukan bantal peluk tersayang! wahahaha

hari sabtu kureng sikit 'gangguan' dari bos baru! ahahaha amanlah sikit nak process pr/claim/po yang bersepah-sepah tu! udah ler manual, terketik2 aku menaip data satu2! grrrr terganggu kesabaran aku! pastu lepas 12.30pm segala penat lelah aku menjadi sia-sia kerana sistem bodoh tu x bleh save! *&^&*^%

haisss dulu ku panggil imt tools tu sistem bodoh juge, tanpa ku sedari ada lagi sistem yang lagi bodoh dari tu! muahahaha jahat sungguh komen ini! ha! sapa suruh x leh save! tension aku jadinya kerana aku 'terpaksa' berjalan 'terbalik'. (tulah, jalan mesti ke depan! ~ iklan raya petronas)

so isnin nanti kenalah aku datang sebelum lalat bangun (hahaha buleh ke???). sebab bos aku nak isnin pagi..huarghhhh sedihnya! benci! lembab! aaah..aku benci keje x siap..! tidaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk! mmmm...bermuram durja sepanjang weekend :(

role baru ni menarik. banyak benda baru yang aku boleh belajar dan ambil tahu. tapi bila fikirkan the challenges, supplier-requestor aku jadi cam ala-ala mengalami 'kupu-kupu dalam perut'! aku ni suka nak pastikan keje aku tip top, nak pastikan semua berjalan lancar, aku sibuk sikit x pe kot; tapi aku nak la kerjasama dari semua orang..i'll help you, you'll help me mah..kat imt dipanggil - teamwork! wlu pun dalam banyak masa aku bukanlah team player sangat. sebab aku susah menunggu komitmen orang lain! hihi

tapi awal2 ni memang syahdu sikit la since aku belum kenal diorang and tak boleh juga nak marah diorang lagi! tetapi....ko tunggu la sikit hari lagi. heheheehe aku jadi naga berapi2 karang! wahaaaaaha..hmm since kompeni baru ni kecik sikit, maybe diorang lack of professionalism. management pun x strict sangat or simply because diorang ni ada yang x makan saman kot. what to expect? people is unique..hmmm...

anyway, i hope everything will be easy and smooth for me. i'm not planning for short term anymore, i'm not getting young! (pray for me, kawan2! the best is there for all who work towards it! :D )

oklah..masa demam bit bit tu tetiba dapat ilham pula. tu pasal nak sangat tulis sal mende ni. pasal cinta. ahaha (kucing mengada?? haha)

tersebutlah kisah (aiseh! mula dahhh), aku baca satu buku ni. tajuknya kita hanya di seberang jalan - bahruddin bekri. memula aku rasa cerita ni mengarut jek. dah le bahasa penulis tu agak pelik (dia orang serawak). so at some point aku rasa malas nak baca. tapi tengah-tengahnya menarik sampai ke akhirnya. erm..malas nak tulis details. tapi shortly; kerana cinta, Fatah jadi berani!

hhihihi idea ni datang lepas sembang2 sal imt. papa-yap yg busy ngan spnb (x habes2) and selalu naik hangin. tu r, kan aku dah bawa bersama 'matahari' yg ceria ni..hbs r korang, dah 'gelap' imt..hihihi x de lah, jgn tensi2 pa..jg kesihatan. kan aku dah pesan hr tu..eish2 x dengar ckp..

bertenang..jgn pressure2, jgn pressure org len..we work together - teamwork! hihihi kat iql aku x prektis sgt pun, x de pun teamwork kat iql. yg aku prektis ialah "aku x peduli" haha janji aku punya keje settle. maybe factor juga tu, as i mention tu wani. bila x buat dari hati, x enjoy. sbb x ikhlas. kat iql, even paper pun aku pkai paper baru..wahahaha aku jek yg scratch paper recycle, as aku always practice kat imt. tp skrg x lagi..hmm mungkin nnti bila telah datang cinta...

cinta..kuat sungguh! betul kata hamka, cinta patut meniupkan semangat. bukan melemahkan! betul kata bahruddin bekri, cinta mmbuat fatah berani! kerana cinta, manusia sanggup berkorban. bekerja di negara org, mnyimpan rindu dendam melihat anak-isteri di depan mata. mnyerahkan nasib perlindungan dan keselamatan mereka - pada yang kuasa. semua kerana cinta. yg tulus!

aku? aku pergi keje jauh (jauh meh?) mnjadi orang yang lebih baik. mnjadi aku yg lbh bagus. demi cinta. cinta pada wang, masa depan, bakal rumah sendiri, mak and bapak yang aku ingin ajak tinggal bersama.. memendam rindu, x berjumpa muka, hanya bersapa di maya, x dengar suara..hanya bayangkan, kalau la dia ada...hahaha

ah! sedih! balik tgk movie tu sedih lagi! sbb berpisah dgn kak yatie. lama x jumpa (hahaha 3 minggu lama juga wat...) sbb dah biasa berdua! dah rapat mcm adik-kakak. maknanya dah 3 minggu aku x de kat imt!

cinta!

mungkin betul juga kata anuar zain, ku menunggu 'getar' hati ku. dl aku pun pernah ckp mnde ni kat kawan aku, klu hati kita dah 'bulat' pada sesuatu, barulah kita boleh buat keputusan. dan aku dah faham (rasa2nya la kan), term 'u just knw that they are d 1'..sll diorang jawab camnih bila ditanya kenapa memilih seseorang tu? sbb
hati mereka telah mengesan 'getar' tu..signal..amplification of heart modulation! hahahaha term engineer sket wahahaaha

hmmm..aku nih bab-bab mengarut no 1! suruh baca buku, malas! hahaha ok lah. time to sleep. satu-satunya hari untuk berehat sebelum masuk ke minggu depan! yearghhhhh...aku nak rehat puas-puas ahad ni! jumpa lagi on monday nite reports! ahaha happy weekend to all and gambatte for next week :D

because i don't want to loose all the rights to be related to you! ~ san_bu

 

belajar daripada robot

pagi ni hujan lebat. jalan jam. dan aku lambat sampai! ahaha dalam pukul 9 baru sampai. lantaklah..dah hujan, jalan nak keluar dari K.D ni ada satu jek. so no choice! hihihihi sebab dah tahu lambat, saja bawa keta tak rush pun. siap circle cari parking la. sebab dah tau memang lambat. so 'manfaatkan' je la masa yang dah lambat tu! wakaka

hari ni menyeronokkan kat office, sebab aku making more progress. communication with supplier pun senang, ada la sikit sangkut-sangkut, tapi tak begitu menyakitkan hati seolah-olah dah tak ada jalan lagi! haha alhamdulillah terbukti aku memang kena belajar melalui pengalaman. baru aku tahu, apa yang aku tak tahu! kalau aku dah start study sungguh-sungguh tu, maknanya aku nak hasilnya impressive! (read my two word, Witwicky "impress me"! bos baru Witwicky - Transformer: dark of the moon)

petang, kak yatie ajak tengok movie..yey! (tu yang keluar statement di atas, tau2 je la movie apa ek..) walau pun dah lama, still penuh dengan kaki-kaki transformer! wahaha patut pun, sebab sapa jek yang tak tengok transformer 2x??? (aku la! hahaha)

citer best, naluri rebel aku sangat (diulang; sangat) teruja dengan bunyi machine-gun yang superp! fuiyoo..ganas! rebel betul nih! :D Ada part sedih, bila autobots nak kena ship back out from the earth. memberi laluan pada decepticons supaya dapat mengelakkan perang di bumi. terasa macam 'biasa' ku lihat parting scene tu! owh!

kelakar pun ada but mostly entertain la thru the whole watching. tapi dari dulu sampai sekarang pun, aku tak pernah faham kenapa optimus prime tu sangat baik hati! sangat baik, biar pun hanya sebuah (seorang, ke?) robot! last word yang menarik dari optimus prime is "you did not betray me, you betray yourself!" lalu tanpa belas kasihan lagi menembak kepala sentinel prime yang tak tau berterima kasih tu! wahaha

owh...my hero! (*_*) (kata cik rebellious di dalam hatinya! hahahahaha)  

si tinggi, kacak ~ optimus prime! (weeeheeeii)

tapi aku tak suke alias naik menyampah dengan gurlfriend sam dalam movie ni! sume x bole, jangan sam itu, jangan sam ini -- adessss! aku plak yang naik meluat. bior je la sam tu nak jadi hero, nak selamatkan apa yang dia nak selamatkan. memang le ko sayang sam tu, takut terjadi apa-apa, tapi tak yah la jangan itu, jangan ini..lemas! watak perempuan tu sangat melemaskan aku yang menonton..haissshh

then balik rumah and upload blog nih..ketik2 (bunyi menaip kat keyboard daaa!) dah pukul 12.50am. aku pun dah lupa dah apa yang aku nak tulis sangat tadi..haha sorrylah ye, dah penat kot. nak berehat. anyway, yieeehaaaa esok jumaat! beshhh..tapi, ops! sabtu aku dah kena keja da sekarang! hahaha :(

anyone can look down on you, but NOT you, yourself! ~optimus prime (lagi2 optimus prime! jgn mara aaa...)

Fix me

My boss not in today. Maybe she can finally take some days off since i already come and assist her. Good! Don't really care (as usual!), as long as she's not around. waha! :D

Get an updates from my previous 'nest' about my ex-papa. so easily get angry now. erm..want to comment but cant anymore. I've lost that rights few weeks ago! hehehehe but of course, my very understanding nature always can understand why people react on certain way. but unfortunately can't apply to myself!

i loves supporting people, inspiring others to go get what they want most. do things that they think the best they should do. but i can't apply it to myself! when i'm sometimes have urgency to do things, but i keep on delay. and that i have important due, but i don't feel any urged! hmm something went wrong! somewhere in the wiring circuitry in my head perhaps!

so as today and yesterday. i don't know what is lacking but something is missing. i complete task but its not satisfying. i achieve short target but its not cheering. i praise myself for braving things but i don't feel anything. maybe because 'aku tak peduli' so i'm not doing it from the heart. so my heart was shielded from whatever rewards it should get :(

annoying! so i bought a flowers for me. i walk past a flower shops just this afternoon after work. i decide to stop and go inside. red rose! i always like red, much better if red roses! feel like jumping and immerse my whole self, eyes, heart, soul, body and mind into the velvety of the red roses petals! i can't actually describe it, but its so delicious and uplifting! haha :D

like seeing a cute cat and they meowing at you once your eyes and its eyes meet. hehe i love cats! they are so adorable i can forgive any wrong they do!

so now i'm sitting here typing on the 'mat top'. after some few second, glaring at the roses next to me. feel like jumping inside it! aaaarrgghh...

morale: i know you've been busy. i'm busy too. we talk a bit but cant really get what we both mean. loosing focus! sometimes i wish i'm not so highly ambitious, so i'll be just like any other girls out there. but hey! this is me...an alien! @_x

Just bought! yummy!

much clearer! yummy2!

can't help..falling in love...yummy3!

Ok, lets end here. i'm going to watch tv seriously (maksudnya: tgk dengan bersungguh2!), drink hot chocolate, stop worrying about tomorrow, lets think that tonight won't last! because tomorrow never have to come! hahaha

bintang, bulan dan matahari

Satu lagi hari berlalu dengan baik. Walau pun cabarannya masih tak kurang, tapi aku dah rasa lebih baik dan tak terasa 'jauh' sangat. haha Cabarannya ialah 'mengejar' quotation dari supplier. Letih! especially kalau supplier kedai biasa2. Macam diorang tak tau apa yang aku tanya jek! adess...

Professionalism, that's the word. :)

Cuba untuk tak mahu berfikir banyak pasal kerja, selepas waktu kerja. Tapi kalau tak fikir, karang sape pula nak tolong fikir? Geram. Sebab something still stuck somewhere. Sangkut. I hate sangkut-sangkut things!! Pastu kena saman pula! &^$#$^#^& betul la MPPJ nih!

Abih nak soh aku bawa keta letak bawah meja agaknya! Geram betul! Sukati jek, menghalang lalu lintas dia kata? Nak kata buta, lepas pula jadi penguasa. Bukan aku parking kat tengah2 jalan pun! Aku dah park elok2 kylie tu tak menghalang keta depan @ belakang and make sure if anything diorang boleh keluar dengan senang. And park as closed as possible to the roadside. Tu pun nak saman!? Kang aku saman diorang balik baru tau!!! Dah beli parking pass pun saman? x considerate langsung!

haishhh geram! rileks2x next month kita settle. kumpul jek dulu..hahaha korang nak kena ngan aku yer....


Pagi tadi, termimpi  bintang! Dah lama tak 'jumpa' dia walau pun dalam mimpi. Tiba-tiba, dia muncul pagi tadi. Hmm..mungkin tak lama lagi Ramadhan, as orang jawa, kitorang ada satu kenduri menyambut puasa yang dipanggil 'punggahan' (erm...x sure betul ke tak spelling nih! haha). Tapi aku tak sure sangat apa sebenarnya function kenduri tu. But my eldest folks bagi tahu kenduri ni untuk 'menyambut' kaum keluarga terdahulu yang telah pergi, pulang bersama-sama menyambut dan meraikan Ramadhan.

Ini bukanlah satu fakta, sebab aku pun tak tahu dan tak pernah buat kajian. So jangan amik pusing sangat ye..anggap je la, ni pengetahuan am. hahaha Tapi pelik juga la, since dah lama tak jumpa dia kan. Suddenly termimpi. Mungkin petanda?

Erm..aku rasa aku pernah termimpi setahun sebelum ni. Selepas last time aku 'visit' dia, aku mimpi family dia tak berkenan dengan 'ziarah' aku. Entah betul atau tak, since aku tak lagi berhubung dengan mana-mana ahli keluarganya. Tapi aku anggap itu sign juga, yang aku perlu hentikan semua tu. Biar pun mungkin aku anggap hanya seorang kawan yang mengenang kawannya, tapi mungkin juga dari pandangan kekeluargaan, dia tak lagi berkaitan dengan aku. So, dah dekat setahun aku tak pergi sana lagi.

Masa kecik, aku selalu berangan nak balik kampung beraya, naik kereta membelah sawah padi. Kali pertama aku pergi rumah dia, aku sangat terkejut sebab sama macam yang aku angan2kan! hahaha Tapi, sama juga la, cuma di anganan! Tapi, sawah padinya, tempatnya, selalu jadi tempat yang sangat aku kenal. Mungkin sebab sangat dekat di hati! hahaha

Itulah bintang ku, harap dia elok-elok saja di sana. Aku mungkin saja nakal-nakal di sini (tu memang tak boleh dielakkan! haha). Kalau ada jodoh, kita jumpa lagi! (Mia Sara, Movie 'Sekali lagi')

Bulan pula hihiihihi matahari ahahahaha so tu je la yang menarik hari ni. kah3

Owh..cakap pasal hobby baru. Nak beli MG gundam, dah gatal tangan nak assemble! Tapi erk???? about 200! aiseh nak kena renew roadtax la this month..browse2 je la dulu cari apa model paling mencabar and menarik! hiyark!! tak pun beli je la dulu bleach figurine ntuk menghias meja opis baru. beli ichigo atau pun renji-kun! owh bestnyer...

conclusion, gambatte kudasai to every one! Live well, take care : )

Better in time

its much better than last week. i make it over one stage, earlier stage, preliminary stage. and most people agree, first is always the hardest!

thank God Alhamdulillah, i started to see clearly and not so blur-blur like before. my mind also seem focus and can determined what should be next -- next thou sometime got sangkut-sangkut! haha i'm still learning ler.. :)

maybe last weekend, my parents visit and so i don't feel so 'heavy' anymore. the invisible 'burden' on my head and heart, like this world is so harsh and no mercy..speaking of my mom, made me realized one fact. married is what actually?

for me it is sharing. sharing everything, not only good things, bad things, ups and down etc in health or in sick, till death do us part. but i will say, its not end there. maybe physically, but spiritually is more than after death.

as you all concern, my mom being married to my dad since she is 16. (pretty young, ek?) and ever since being right by his side through thick and thin. my mom was my dad biggest supporter and closest, trusted companion. in everything. we're kampung people, thus my mom like every other housewife also help with the kebun things.

but since now my mom not in her pink of health anymore, we're urged mom to just stay home and doing easy and simple things only. no need to meddle anymore with kebun things. let my dad and my youngest brother handle that. by the way, my mom used to be as strong as a bull! i sometime wish i was just like her, not so manja-manja too much! ahaha 

but yesterday (and lately) my mom silently devouring her regret that she no longer can help my dad. and from her point of view, it is now like she is a burden for my dad. since she cant help to fork out money, but need to buy medicine for her etc

i was speechless actually. seldom for me to give any opinion or response when it come to matters as big as this. i always think i was just a little (little meh?) kiddo in my house! but yesterday i try to give my best opinion. i said "mak, you're marrying to bapak. as a wife not a general worker." it is my dad responsibility to take care of my mom in any way, no matter how difficult, no matter what happen. the akad is for forever, not only awhile or have any due date on it!

i think its never cross my dad's mind. because so far, i see he's caring towards my mom even more now than before. able to voice out his concern and worries about mom which previously kept into his serious and fierce personality. furthermore, mom was closely on his side when dad fall really sick last 2009 (and i will always remember the scene). the year full of trouble, for all of us.

maybe sometime dad just need time alone (just like any other men, i think?) and the fact that now, mom seem having trouble with her mind sometimes, that dad have to think and decide on his own way. and mom felt offended realizing her deteriorate condition. i wish i could really do something...  

time really fly fast. when my dad fall sick, i realized i was so weak and cant do anything! i built wall around me, distance, because i cant see it. it's breaking my heart seeing whom i once saw as proud and standing tall, suddenly become weak. i run from the fact, unable to withhold my own pride...but i learn as well, learn that i still got time. to do something while i still can.

sure, everything happen for a reason. its like a roller coaster, sometimes up, there are down. who can learn the lesson, and make change will survive. survive might not be the correct word, less regret! i hope i'll be better in time, whatever the challenges. hope i'll learn from every tries, content with every bless, help others with what little i have.

strong as my mom, hero as my dad! :) i never say this, but its true. i love you! *OMG theres habuk in my eyes pula! haha

Ada apa dengan Bersih?

Kenapa dengan Bersih? Siapa Bersih? Ada apa dengan Bersih?

Aku malas nak baca, malas juga nak search kenapa dan mengapa Bersih ni sibuk nak buat tunjuk perasaan segala. Buang masa je aku rasa~

Yang aku tahu mereka menuntut sistem pendaftaran pengundi pilihanraya yang lebih bersih etc Nak guna dakwat kekal etc Selebihnya tak tahu. Tapi kalau hanya tu sebabnya, kenapa sampai nak berarak, berhimpun segala?

Kenapa aku tak sokong Bersih? Sebab ia membuang masa, membahayakan keselamatan negara, menjauhkan pelabur asing yang berpotensi melabur di Malaysia, seterusnya mencorotkan lagi ekonomi negara yang sedang cuba dibangunkan.

Aku seperti mana orang lain yang bekerja di Malaysia ni, mengalami masalah keawangan. Taraf hidup yang semakin meningkat sedangkan nilai wang semakin berkurang. Melihat jiran di selatan, Singapura yang jauh lebih maju dan berekonomi baik adalah sangat menjengkelkan! Tapi aku tak bermaksud mahu berhijrah ke Singapura atau pun memperkecilkan Malaysia.

Dalam kad pengenalan aku tertulis 'Warganegara' maksudnya aku orang Malaysia. Buat apa nak sebelahkan Singapura pula, kan? Jadi marilah berusaha membangunkan dan memakmurkan Malaysia. Kita hanya ada satu negara! Biar pun Melayu mungkin berumpun-asal dari Indonesia, kita tak boleh balik ke Indonesia jika berlaku sesuatu di Malaysia. Begitu juga Indian atau Chinese. Walau bagai manapun, mereka pun tak boleh balik ke China atau India. Kerana di sinilah tanah air kita, negara kita, Malaysia!

Malaysia tanah tumpah darah ku, hanya satu. Aku sayang Malaysia ku! Jadi aku tak sokong Bersih. Sekali pun membangkang (i'm rebellious, you see?) mesti ada cara yang baik untuk menyelesaikan sesuatu. Nak hantar petition, hantarlah. Tak perlu berarak menghalang lalu lintas, menakutkan aktiviti jual beli, menambahkan tugas pengaman negara yang secara tak langsung ialah dari duit cukai yang korang bayar!  

Hmm mungkin ya kerajaan selama ni asyik tertidur dan terlena, gerakan seperti ini dan pembangkang yang semakin agresif adalah satu yang baik. Menggesa kerajaan berkerja untuk rakyat! Tapi tak perlulah berdemonstrasi yang begini. Kita semua telah merdeka, mentaliti kita sepatutnya telah berubah dan bertambah maju. Jangan dengan mudah-mudahnya memperjudikan keamanan yang kita miliki.

Aku selalu membantah juga, tak puas hati. Tapi selalu juga aku beringat; suggest more than complaint! Nak bangkang, protest, tak puas hati - silakan. Tapi berilah juga cadangan. ok?

p/s jangan buang masa join perhimpunan tak mendatangkan hasil. pergi basuh kereta, baca buku, potong rumput yang panjang depan rumah, lagi baik!

the magix of a smile

You packed your last two bags.A taxi's 'round the bend.You used to laugh out loud,But you can't remember when.

You lost your lies.It's like your moving out of time,And the whole wordcrumbles right beneath you.

So, I might've made a few mistakes,But that was back when you would smile,And we would go everywhere,But we ain't been there for awhile.

And this I know,There's a place that we can go-A place where I can finally let you know.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.You and me, we got this great thing.We're the only one's that around,We're the only one's that around this Babylon.

I hope you findwhatever you've been lookin' for.Just remember where you're fromand who you are,'Cause there's a thousand lightsthat'll make you feel brand new,But if you ever lose your way,I'll leave one on for you.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.You and me, we got this great thing.So, come back and you sit down. Relax.Everything's to seethat you've come a long, long way,And it's the place that you should be.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.You and me, we got this great thing.'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.You and me, we got this great thing.And we're the only one's that around,We're the only one's that around this Babylon

So majestically magical.
Smile, the world will smile to you. And who know, later someone out there miss your smile like I do! :)

Payung merah dan hari hujan

hari ni dan semalam hujan sangat lebat bila petang. aku memang suka hujan, lagi lebat, lagi best! walau pun nama aku 'matahari' hahahaha

aku tak nak tulis, mencuba mengurangkan penulisan tentang imt. supaya aku boleh melangkah dengan lebih gagah lepas ni. imt adalah sejarah. dah, tak yah kenang-kenang lagi! ahaks tapi oklah, aku nak tulis juga..pasal hujan nih jek, plssssss....

hujan lebat kat imt best, mendebarkan! haha sebab bumbung bocor! haha gelak besar! tadah dengan bakul sampahlah, dengan baldi lah..macam tak percaya kan? tapi itulah uniknya..kat sini hujan boleh dengar, tapi tak boleh lihat. since aku dah terkurung dalam bilik tak bertingkap! owh rindunya pada alam sekeliling...

hari ni mood 'kucing mengada'! pagi-pagi dah mengada-ngada! ikiki ok-ok kaitkan dengan payung merah dan hari hujan. pernah tengok video klip bad day (daniel powter)? ish...glamer la lagu tu..!

lagu tu tentang bad day, low day, macam aku rasa sekarang. aku sedang mencuba, tapi semua pun perlukan masa. dan kalau nak tahu, masa selalu tak ada kalau kita nak dia ada! hmmm? ironi. dalam klip tu, macam melihat diri sendiri. eyyy....bila masa lak aku jadi pelakon nih? hahaha

maksud aku, tengok betul-betul klip tu. masa tunggu train tu, lelaki dan perempuan tu duduk kat kerusi dengan muka macam nak makan orang. walau pun pagi-pagi hari. tapi kat belakang diorang, ada signboard "smile"! haha

then bila perempuan tu tengok signboard "shine" and dia dengan selambanya melukis awan dan hujan kat perempuan dalam signboard tu. bila lelaki tu lalu pula, dia lukiskan payung merah untuk perempuan dalam signboard tu. tak puas hati lagi, perempuan tu lukis pula teksi tak berhemah memercik lopak air! haisss.. (cik rebellious juga kot nama dia! kikiki) last sekali lelaki tu lukiskan seorang lelaki duduk sebelah perempuan dalam signboard tu, menghalang percikkan dari lopak tu...

sweet tak? hahaha (kucing mengada!)

tak tahu nak concludekan apa yang aku rasa ni. tapi, hahaha payung merah dan hari hujan. hmmm??? wondering...tapi ada orang pernah beritahu aku "sharing is hurting". puas aku tanya sebab aku tak faham. tapi akhirnya aku faham juga, dari sebuah drama which is tak ingat apa tajuknya. it's hurt, because you care!

sometimes the system goes on the blink
and the whole thing turns out wrong
you might not make it back and you know
that you could be well, oh that strong

Api

go Sandy, go!!!

today's status on my skype! haha since yesterday seems bad enough, i decided today to face  whatever challenges by the horn! hiyarkkkk! bring it onnnnn!!!

and all the way from my house to the office in the morning today, i'm thinking to change the rituals. i usually will analyse what is the day greatest threat or negative side, so i can fix it as soon. but today i decided to high-lite on the positive side instead. at least if there is two negative things that i identified (like yesterday and monday), today i want to drive home counting my blessings!

it seems works! :D since i step into my cute workbench this morning, i set on my head to just try! wrong is ok, its mean i'll learn more! then as if the mental block lifted away (thou little!) i managed to learn lots more things and seems to figure out the system, with less inputs. that mean by my own try and error..

it takes time, and not exactly right at first attempt. my boss kind of angry a bit since i get the code wrong and that the po have to be re-edit. but i try to convince myself that it's my right to be wrong! or else i will not learn a thing!    

today nothing much except that i managed to successfully learn a step further than yesterday. but it leaves me with broader smile and bit higher chin. haha i overcome my fear! hopefully i'll be better each day. as for celebrating this little success, i treat myself a dinner at Giza hahahaha

so now feel sleepy and since i have to wake up again later around 3am (hopefully!) so i think i better get some sleep. (since i also cant think much anymore now! ekekeke)

owh! about my blessings today. erm..i think blessings mean the other side of negative right? so i have to figure the negative first then only i can understand the positive side, right? haha but today i think everything ok, nothing too heart-breaking except around 3pm i suddenly felt very sad when thinking about someone. it's sad and worried and that i cant see 'em makes me even worried! seriously i was about to cry all of a sudden. but thankful, the person is ok :)

lets call 'em "person" for the entire story ok.. haha i think this person eventually help making my day. being away and when everything seems alien (erk? sounds familiar?) the existence heal a bit the awkwardness i felt. ok lah, enough on that. haha :D

oh! another things is i dream 'atuk' or my x-gm on imt! lol he ask why i resign? i answer him why you accept? hahaha seriously it's clear sign i'm feeling unsatisfied on something. then around 5pm when i saw he online his skype, i was like HUH??!!

hihi need to sleep now. nothing much today, thanks to prayers and loves from friends who support me unconditionally! i love you all! muah3x  

Pom-pom gurls

ok-ok aku try ntuk tulis nih as quick as possible. since aku ada 4 assgmnt mnnti ntuk submission ahad ini!!!! tp aku tau, msti aku x leh berenti cepat2 menulis! haha

pastu since i'm on new place, new bos, new rules, new roles, so x leh lekat kat skype jek mnjang. kena r adjust2 sket. x de verbal word so far even thou she see my skype notification. bior ler..dia tnya, aku hmm kan jek..ahaks since dia pun kai skype, tu yg dia x ckp apa hahaha

aku blur2! haha sungguh2 blur! aku x taw apa si audrey tu ckp or nk?! mcm dia ckp bahasa apa tah!
roughly aku phm flow nyer..lbh kurang jek mcm imt. tp maybe since ths 1 manual, tu yg aku rs x jelas. sbb imt dah online kan mnde2 ni, taw2 dah ada. tp kat sini kena check plak snd..hmmmmm..

audrey ni mcm yap, agak kalut. tp dia nih lg agak pitam sket since ckp dah le laju, pastu kelam kabut g plak. aku rasa dia x reti ajar org sbnrnya. sbb aku tnya finance lain, boleh jek explain. tp audrey is aku x faham. since dia mcm tenggelam timbul. cakap pun kjap sana, kjap sini. tinggi-rendah note so aku pun x leh capture pe mnde dia dok bebel!

sbnrnya dia nk soh aku compare warehouse stok ngan list, tp aku x phm mnde apa dia nk soh aku buat! then dia nk aku cr supplier list yg bg terms, tp cara dia bg taw tu lbh teruk dari gagap. information dia sgt entah apa2. dia mcm budak hyper...x leh focus. x taw ler dia sibuk ker haper, tp cara dia tu buat aku x leh follow...meraban bersama2 tangan n mata dia yg kemana2 bila dia explain somethg! haisssssssh!  

selain tu, aku x terer excel tahap expert! so bila aku tgk segala formula tu, aku pun blur..camner eh nk buat? hmmm...ditambah ngan stok yg memacam dlm list tu, lg r juling mata aku. tu yg dia ajar guna "sumif"..dan di situ la lagi satu blur terserlah! aku x fhm mnde apa dia cuba tnjuk! clik2 sini sana, tada! aku pun blur jek tgh2....hmmmmmm???? erk??

moral of d story, hr ni aku detect 2 bnde yg brpotensi mnjadi problem. komunikasi ngan si audrey & excel since diorang bnyak pkai excel sbb manual. haaah..aku rasa x de la susah benor pun. tp currently aku ada study thngs nk kejar, tu yg aku x leh focus or spent more extra time anymore. kira 24jam ni dah sold out! haha owh....takutttttt...

aku takut sbb aku x taw, x taw sbb aku x fhm, x fhm sbb aku x familiar, x familiar sbb aku cannot figure yet...cam admin semua pun mnde biasa. tp procurement and finance ni, basic rules sama. cuma praktis lain2 according to company. so aku kena take time, tp aku pun gelabah la juga..since aku risau klu lmbt2 nnti aku x leh perform. so ditambah ngan aku punya cuak, problem la jadinya..

so aku rasa kena calm down. tarik nafas......hembusssss. hihi take my time, but dont be too long. careful but not that i'm not moving! hah! go sandy, go! tp...aku perlu LBH dari sekadar "go sandy, go" :(

Reset Clock

the clock reset back to zero! haha i'm in my new company today. so far, everything's ok. just that i dont like that there is very-very limited parking and no place to lunch! hmm the only complaint. the traffic is still smooth despite so many cars. i think its bearable and as long as i wake up early, it wont be any much problem.

solution, maybe sometimes this month i'll consider take motocycle license and by august i can ride on bike to work. its not far, and not so jam. so i think its not so dangerous for me...since parking away is more dangerous and risky and uncomfortable especially when its rain! for at least...

the momment spent at infinite is infinite as its name! haha i still have a lots to learn. since they using myob which is very new to me and that they doing things manually. plus i think they will go for iso soon!!! OMG! but the fact that its a small growing company make me a bit calm since i'm coming from bigger company, so i'll have my opinion on whats best which i think will helps me to be respected better. gain my respect and reputation, i hope to shape myself into someone soon, remember?

an alien mission is to see, come and conquer! haha no lar..i just trying to pick up the best values and applies in my life so i can be a better person. lead a better life. i must make a solid preparation for my future! i want to buy house soon..get married and prepare a great future for my kids..

quietely i miss imt! i know this feeling is only for temporary but being away from those used to be around you is hard. i spent time working more than i spent time for my own, thus i attached to my colleagues more than my own family. thats why without them today, seems to be an 'empty' for me.. :(

I remind myself rapidly that its all for temporary. that it's just a beginning. and as soon as i can figure out what is happening and how things going, i will forget all those emptiness and enjoy my working tenure. the opportunity as it name, is unpredictable. so its depend on whether i want or i dont want. because this wanting feeling works really well for me! as a rebellious! haha

a factor that makes me feels empty is maybe because i dont see much of them. my work place is isolated from the main office, attached to warehouse and loading bay etc bit hotter and less like corporate world! haha but overall its good since its reduce my nerves about being small and new which i will usually felt before in any company/new place i go. it make me think that i'm only me, suresh and audrey! sometimes siva and kak rokiyah. mostly only me..thats why i miss imt. i can see everyone, walk anywhere. its not as fancy as infinite
but the warmer-friendly-people-bonding is surely there at imt. but oklah, its only temporary.