Friday 26 August 2011

news

good news, bad news, daily, weekly etc *its about 2am when i started to writes. tired and sleepy. but also happy since 'baju raya' bought already! smileeee..thanks to wani, for the company :D

i heard news about ex-papa. ah! so sad...he must be very 'hijau' aka 'hulk' as i used to know him. whenever people resign, that is his way of coping with the lost...trying to stop people from leaving, convince people all the benefits they can offer, but sadly its not satisfying enough. then exit is the best way...

i'm not leaving with my heart full of anger. actually i still love imt, and joining new company is bit tough at the beginning. for the first month, i'm still attached to imt! sometimes even hoping and dreaming to join in back! but later once cool down a bit, i think it's ok to move on. imt is a past, let it go...thou now still searching for some 'peaceful' place, i must always remember to be careful of what i'm wishing for. it might turned real and then i might not need it!

i thank my ex-papa for accepting me to imt on 2009 thus save me and my future from downfall like the economic recession on that time and the closing down of my first serious job i take after grad. and i will always remember, that i cant focus during the interview - after i join in imt (*i said i need to see family in hospital, but i went for an interview instead!), because of his caring advise to drive safe and careful since the road is slippery after rain earlier that morning!

how can you doing bad for someone doing you good, rite? it's just unfair. i didn't get the job obviously, and so that time i'm so sure, imt is 'really' my place!

but time pass, i'm change as the needs and wants. its not that i become big-headed, but i think its time to change, for the better. so i finally voice out to him. first few lines -- almost tearful! see, its not that i hate imt. just little bit disappointed. either being useful or being used! i appreciate his time for listening thou he always busy as hell that time. and my hr congrats me for my bravery the next few days! haha i don't know where i get the strength thou! (what? rebellious? hahaha! that's it!) 

so when i heard the 'autumn season' happening in imt now, with most of the batches of people from my time, send in their goodbye letter; the image of my ex-papa rumbling over old drawings and housekeeping DCC room all of a sudden on razif last day, stay back with loges for handover until 3am in the morning, he suddenly ask anyone do petty and stupid things like compiling his travel claims - which he usually do it himself, he brags about every petty things around the office during every last day of other resignee's etc

the image is a sad skinny man, hoping to be heard, hoping to shared the joy and tears of imt, hoping to be understood that he also cant stop much of management's decision, hoping that someone will stay next to him thru all the tick and thin of the company, hoping that he can make everyone understood imt aspirations, hoping that everyone is as hardworking and inhumane like him, bloody loyal like him to the company etc

i miss my ex-papa! hope he's not working too hard, he's already too skinny! haha too much pressure, he sometimes make jokes only he laugh at! i wish him a great ocean of patience to face all this trouble. i wish him a feather-weight task so he can carry his duty calmly. i wish him everything that can make him easy to solve all the trouble!

because he once, help me solve mine! and quietly i regard him as my mentor..(*dont tell him!)

....and suddenly i miss his brags to cross out recycle paper with pen to avoid confusion! :D            

Wednesday 24 August 2011

maaf dan memaafkan

skip post in english, again! :D

ada orang kata; kemaafan adalah dendam terindah. adakah benar? mari kita terjah! :D

semalam jiwa rebel aku ni tiba-tiba nak tengok channel 106 - Fadzillah Kamsah! huiyoo..hihihi sekali sekala dengar nasihat motivasi, mana tau, jiwa kacau pulih kembali? teng3x sebenarnya topik utama pasal jodoh. tetamu jemputan ialah Azwan Ali dengan sorang perempuan ni, x ingat nama. orang biasa je..kalau dah ada azwan tu, topik pula jodoh, surelah citer ni dah tau cemana kan...

bukan sebab tak mahu, atau pun terlalu memilih etc tapi kerana belum masanya. perempuan tu dah empat kali bertunang! seminggu sebelum majlis, putus tunang dan tak jadi kahwin. azwan pula, aku rasa dia yang terlalu memilih! hahaha actually sukati dialah, nak kawin ke tak ke. dia dah cukup dewasa untuk membuat pilihan, duit pun bukan tak ada, pelajaran pun dah dibagi emak-bapaknya..so, pandai-pandailah dia...

but sembang-sembang tu biasa je, hingga satu point menyentuh minda aku ni (sesuai nama program - Selami Jiwa!). Kata Dato' Fadzillah Kamsah (*one of my favourite speakers), pengalamannya sendiri, pernah terjumpa seorang perempuan. bukan tak ada orang tackle dia, tapi beratus! (huiyoo..!?) tapi entah mengapa, tak juga dia kawin-kawin. selidik punya selidik, rupanya dalam hati perempuan tu ada TIGA manusia (perlu ke nak maafkan semut? nyamuk? kakaka) yang dia tak mahu maafkan sampai bila-bila!

dan kata Dato' lagi, selepas dipujuk berkali-kali untuk maafkan, barulah akhirnya dia sudi memaafkan. dan selepas tu, sampailah juga jodohnya. erm...jangan salah anggap. aku bukan nak cakap sangat pasal jodoh tu. aku nak cakap pasal 'maaf dan memaafkan'. sebab end of the sembang, Dato' kata 'cuba maafkan semua orang, apatah lagi mintalah maaf'. lebih kurang macam tu lah ayat dia...

dan otak cik rebel pun berkata ''mana mungkin aku boleh maafkan semua orang?'' statement Dato' tu kedengaran sangat tidak logik! boleh ke kita maafkan semua orang? hingga tiada satu pun yang tersisa marah/sebal/dengki etc di hati?

tapi bila aku fikir-fikirkan dan selam-selam ke dalam jiwa. mungkin ada benarnya...ada beberapa orang yang aku fikir (secara rebel yer) sengaja dan tak perlu aku maafkan atau minta maaf dari mereka! sebab aku rasa (aku yang rebel tu yer) kalau aku maafkan, mereka akan lupa silap mereka. salah mereka yang mencalar/meruntuh/meroboh damai yang pernah terbina. sakit hati aku mengenangnya hingga aku tak akan mampu menawarkan 'maaf' atau menerima 'maaf' mereka ini!

kau tahu je la, aku cuma ada hati 'pemberontak' dan kepala batu ni bila aku marah dan protes. aku bukan dan tak akan berperang dengan mulut! jadi, sekarang dah tahu...dari mana datang cik rebellious? hahaha

dan juga ada satu perkara antara aku dengan emak yang aku selalu ingat sebagai satu-satunya (dan aku berharap, cukup satu itu!) perkara jahat yang aku buat. aku melawan/menjawab cakap emak! sekali tu je! tak tahulah kenapa dan dari mana datangnya jahat tu! tulah, tidur masa petang yang panas, bangun pun jadi panas! dan biar pun tiap tahun, tak terkira, salam tangan emak, tapi tak pernah tersentuh kisah ini. sure, mak mesti dah maafkan. mak mana tak sayang anak? tapi, oh! aku terlupa. Allah tak pernah lupa. dan redhaNya adalah selepas redha sang ibu-bapa!

lain-lain adalah beberapa manusia yang harus aku tuntut kemaafan dan kehalal-an dari mereka kerana isu bantuan masa belajar dulu. mungkin aku anggap "ala, kan diorang abang-kakak. kalau bukan diorang, siapa lagi?" tapi, sebenarnya setiap sen itu dicari dengan lelah mereka. maka aku harus dipertanggungjawabkan ke atas setiap dari sen-sen itu...

moral -- minta maaf rasanya mudah je. mungkin sukar memulakan, menjelaskan, di mana yang salah. tapi lepas tu mudah. kerana terlepas sudah 'beban' tak kelihatan. selepas tu terpulang pada pihak dituntut, sama ada nak maafkan atau tak.

tapi, paling berat adalah memaafkan! bagi aku yang rebel ni ler...sebab, baru aku perasan REBEL ini dapat dari hati yang kebal dari memaafkan manusia lain. sedangkan aku juga sebenarnya seorang manusia biasa, sama seperti mereka!

jadi, siapakah sebenarnya yang layak memberikan hukuman?

ramadhan ini, aku belajar, tentang kemaafan. perihal memaafkan. perlakuan kecil tapi mencerminkan nilai besar, seorang insan. jiwa kukuh, tapi kecil dan tunduk patuh. pada pemilik segala kuasa, Dia yang Maha Kuasa!

moga syawal nanti, sebaiknya akhir ramadhan ini, akan leburlah dinding rebel ini...insyaAllah


Monday 22 August 2011

hujan

turun lebat-lebat! biar lama-lama! ambil masa kamu, dan sejukkan hati ku.
hanyutkan kelabu ini, dan selepas tu munculkan mentari.
yang tentunya lebih berseri-seri!
dengarlah matahari ku!

Saturday 20 August 2011

the jars

i started collecting the jars already. been a year since. i don't know would it be useful on that day? i hope so HAHA

actually i faced with lots of issues lately, and my mine as usual just cant think of anything else, until the issue solve. damn! why sometime it was so hard? but then by my own logic mind, i answered: if i can get everything i want in this life, will i want anything more?

my hard-headed demon rebel caused me a priced today. i dont know will i solve it or just leave it by the time i face it. i dont want to think to much, but i have to! sometimes i scold myself because i was too serious! even when buying a magazine, i will think of something with 'added value". like whats the story inside, whats the language use, worth or not bla bla bla cant i just buy something for "fun"? like gossips, like make ups, fashions bla bla bla

oh..about the magazine (which obviously not mine!), writes something about being 20's is about exploring ages. i should not compared myself with other, because i'm actually competing with my own self! no one else to beat..so, take it easy yar...

oh really? will i say the same to my girl or boys when they were at my age but still have issues with what they really want in their life?? can i be that cool like a future can be build in just 7 days?!

see...i'm so serious person!

i dont know, please Allah help me ~ i'm sick of being like this! too far to turned back, but the end still nowhere near!

you! thinking about you, and if you know, been few days already! another sick factor! caused i just cant tell you, i reminisce time we once had! i think i want to let this kept in my heart only. let time do their math, make me sick holding it ~ until its too late..be it! dont know how else to do. cant force you remember me, cant force me forget you...

the jars, don't know would it be useful on that day?

www.fireflyz.com.my  hahahaha lol
 

Friday 19 August 2011

perempuan, shopping dan makan!

sebenarnya aku takut nak tulis betapa leganya aku bila berjaya mengatasi sesuatu halangan. sebab aku tak tahu, adakah hari berikutnya masih lega atau pun bakal menjadi lebih susah!

memang, semalam aku tulis apa pun yang tak membunuh aku, hanya menjadikan aku semakin kuat. tapi hari ni seperti ketakutan yang aku tuliskan, aku dah tak lega lagi... :(

aku benci betul perasaan ni! sebenarnya aku dah malas nak fikir, hanya nampak satu jalan. mungkin sebab aku dah malas fikir. kalau aku rajinkan diri sikit, mungkin ada lebih banyak jalan lain akan aku nampak. tapi macam mana nak rajinkan diri tu? itu yang menghalang pandangan aku..

sebenarnya dah penat. dah pukul 12.41am. dari ofis lagi dah penat, sangat penat. ingatkan nak balik seawal pukul 5, tapi last minit ada pula keje bodoh yang menghalang! benci! aku balik lambat lagi! penat! tensen! dan kena saman lagi! tak berbaloi kan? tu antara faktor menyumbang kepada betapa menyampahnya aku dengan keadaan sekarang. terasa belum ada yang memihak pada aku! :( ada je, yang tak kena..

kehilangan yang dinamakan perasaan, aku pun membawa diri pergi shopping groceries. fikir apa nak masak untuk buka. sebenarnya aku dah tapau mcD untuk buka puasa, tapi sebab aku geram dan bengang, aku pun shopping untuk masak kari ikan pula!

ah! rasa lega melihat dan memilih barang dapur! ahaha aku sekarang suka shopping barang basah kat village grocer, Giza. diorang ada rack yang panjang untuk sayur organic dan kuantiti pun tak besar. sesuai untuk aku yang single nih. hihi ikan, daging dan ayam pun boleh tahan segar. dan kemas tak macam carefour yang tak banyak barang basah atau giant yang ramai sangat orang!

so selepas siap memasak, mari makan kari ikan! waw! dah lama tak makan nasi..selalu masak spagetti jek! haha bila aku tensen, ni antara aktiviti paling aku suka! shopping aka membeli dan memilih serta membelek barang yang sebenarnya aku bukan perlu sangat pun. just nak buang masa dan lari dari kekusutan fikiran! tak pun makan. kalau rasa nak lagi best, try masak sendiri. pastu pujilah diri sendiri! ahaha

sebenarnya tak mahu esok. aku ingat nak amik study leave since aku rasa sabtu macam tak cukup untuk cover 2 subjek. tapi tadi 'minah senget' tu tak ada pula, mc. kan bagus kalau esok pun dia mc! wahaha so tak bolehlah aku nak apply leave, melainkan EL! akakaka

tapi aku terperasan sesuatu, kat sini aku banyak kali EL! 1/2 day la etc sebenarnya banyak jek keje tertangguh kalau satu hari tak ada, tapi kadang tu aku prefer 'hilang' dari mengalami menyampah tahap dewa! aku penakut? entah...mungkin lebih tepat, tiada perasaan!

aku rasa masalah aku dengan sures sama. blur-blur under minah senget tu. contohnya tadi: sr. PM nih tanya nak confirmation pasal scope of work contractor. sebab kerja dah patut mula hari ni, tapi ada sikit confuse. sebenarnya perkara ni, boleh jadi lebih jelas dan sebenarnya simple jek, kalau minah senget tu boleh sampaikan maklumat dengan betul dan tepat. berkerjasama dengan erti kata sebenar, bukan hanya nak make things simple which is simple for her sebab dia dah tahu hujung-pangkalnya. tapi untuk aku, info ni macam puzzle tak lengkap! sebab dia tak jelaskan betul-betul.

tadi, aku call dia tapi dia tak pick up. so aku confirmkan balik dengan contractor. then report balik kat sr. PM tu. memang orang tua tu sikit tegas, tapi dia boleh jek cerita kat aku dengan panjang lebar. dari a-z. then aku boleh faham, cerita sebenarnya. tapi minah senget ni pula, dah pukul 6 baru nak return call, dah le tu explain tak habis dah tanya pasal sures masuk ke tak? memang minah senget la dia!!

tu yang aku maksudkan dengan dia ni kalau bercakap macam melompat-lompat. dia ingat aku ni notepad dia, amik notes short-hand? naik menyampah aku nak fikir lagi! dia rasa dia bagus sangat kot? kalau macam tu, dah bagus sangat, buat apa amik orang lain? kalau rasa tak nak percaya orang lain, rasa orang lain tak cukup bagus, so kenapa nak cari assistant at first place? kenapa tak buat je semua sendiri? kan dia bagus sangat??

this is the second time, this kind of things happen. i swear, this better be the last! the next time, it will be followed by my letter. i think it's just unresolved issues with her thus it's not worth my stay!    


Wednesday 17 August 2011

my way

"jalan ini ana yang punya!" (this road is mine!) hahaha

the road is so crystal-clear today! no jam, no bumper-to-bumper, no crawl -- because i'm working on public holiday lor...! haha so in the office also nothing much can be done since many company is closed today. thus i'm just clearing whatever filing and documentation which pending for my attention.

sures is again on mc, being 3rd days in a row. dont know what exactly happen to him. i'm just worried that he come in tomorrow with resign letter! why? because that will eventually de-motivating me as well! o-yen already in Genting. so it's only me and sures -- new blood who come together. so if ever sures leave, i'll be alone ley..

then this 'alien' will plan for the next 'exit' as well... quietly...! :X

but i hope not so early! i'm still adjusting thou it's painful in the ^%$$ fighting with the everyday challenges and trying to satisfying everyone's request. see, i'm trying my best! i know sometimes i do bad, but i try to do best the next time. i cant expect everyday to be as wonderful, but i really hope that i can keep this fighting spirit no matter what happen. because, only this fighting spirit differentiate my stay or my leave! because it doesn't matter what they say, since what i say is matter most! (to my self ler..i'm rebellious, ok!)

by afternoon, it's only me in my side. my boss also mc. good! got plenty more free time! so i use it wisely for completing my pending task. try to clear anything else, as much as i can do. so when tomorrow come, with her never ending-chain-instructions, i have enough hand to get it all!

now the pr is getting slower, lesser. most project went on without problem i think. thank God, i can breath easy. sleep well at night. worry less about work! by the way i have two exam paper this weekend and monday. both in the morning. maybe that's also the reason i clear most things, so i can focus on study when i get back home! huaaaa...i'm iron-lady? ahaha i dont think so! not yet...

my mood now more on raya! akakaka now i'm excited to celebrate it, maybe i'm changing a bit this year. upgrade a bit. something make me believe that i also got my bright side..not just dark and gloomy. like batman in bat-cave! :D alhamdulillah, thank Allah for His gift.

so, that is it. it such a nice and good feeling driving to and from work, where the road is clear! it's changing your mood also! :D its like you can run freely, as far as you wish, no axcess baggage, might be tired of the run, but you happy since you are at your own -- yieeeeehhhhhhaaaa...!

may we all can learn a lesson or two, on hard days. looking back, i realized, maybe its bad thing. make me mad, angry, disappointed, thinking about kill or be killed! but i passed it. and i'm still alive!

what ever does not destroy me, makes me stronger ~ friedrich nietzche      
  

Tuesday 16 August 2011

syabas telekom! hua3

kakakaka gelak kuat-kuat! sebab telefon opis aku ada prob hari ni! yey! dari pagi dah ada prob, so aku tak boleh call out melainkan so urgent, call pakai handphone! hurahhhh...

aku boleh menarik nafas lega hari ni since tak boleh call supplier, so aku pun buat filing yang dah macam nak kena bako tu! tapi tu baru receiving. esok try buat filing betul-betul lah pula! kalau tak esok-esok nya lagi la..ki3 letih aku nengok sume paper tu belonggok-longgok! cemana tah aku nak buat filing, nak calculate savings, nak arrange delivery bla bla bla

tu sebab, kalau aku kata otak aku dah mereng sikit, korang kenalah percaya! ahahaha

hari kedua aku balik dalam pukul 7 dari ofis. saja, nak bagi clear apa yang patut. sebab rasa kalau aku tak buat sesuatu, menda tu selamanya tersadai atas meja aku! herk...duduk atas lantai pula aku nanti! ahaha datang awal, rebut parking. balik lambat, clear po/pr yang parking atas meja! wah! en MD, tak terharukah anda? mempunyai pekerja serajin dan sededikasi saya? huahuahua

kan dah makin bengong...dah penat. hari ni bersungguh-sungguh. tak toleh kiri-kanan! cewah..esok ada lagi, dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi...never ending, demanding bla bla bla

ops..tadi dah nak 'naik hangin' dengan 'beruang' ni. sures la start panggil dia beruang! hahaha aku sebolehnya tak mau nick-name sesiapa, sebab aku pun tak berminat nak kacau sesiapa. kalau boleh nak senangkan hidup semua orang. tapi beruang ni telah membebel kat aku pasal kena marah dato' la..etc

eh! bukan salah aku pun. dah store-keeper x de..ko pikir aku free sangat ker nak arrange barang untuk ko? ada aku kisah kalau dato' tu marah? tu rumah dato' tu, bukan rumah aku! apesal aku nak marah-marah? ahahaha *malas nak layan

so camtu r kat sini..selamatkanlah kepala anda, kerana orang lebih suka memancung kepala orang lain kat sini! ceh... @_x *nasib baik mak aku didik aku dengan baik. alhamdulillah


alhamdulilah juga and thank you, sebab telifon rosak. kalau tak, mesti aku tak ada masa nak buat apa-apa...

go sandy, go!

Monday 15 August 2011

pls hate my boss!

ahaha..put your hands up, cast your votes, send me your sms bla bla bla lets hate my boss! because she change my seating! :X

because she change my seating, i can no longer hang-on on skype.
1. indulge there and forget my current real world in my stupid cubicle! even for a while!
2. and i cant see-see picture/attachment sent by my friends which act as my window for my outside world!
3. i cant complaint and rebelliously disagree with her which i usually devour on the skype!
4. i also cant run-for-awhile from my demanding-never-ending task by chit-chatting with my friends on skype!

it is said; all is fair in love and war!!!

kuda ku lari gagah berani

hahaha masa main chess dengn adik aku dulu selalu nyanyi lagu ni! tiap kali nak gerakkan knight. saja, bagi adik aku dengki! tapi sekarang dia dah pandai main chess. hahaha


aku berlari balik kampung lepas kerja sabtu lepas. dengan sehelai sepinggang! kakaka sebab malas nak balik rumah amik barang dulu. so terus je gerak dari office. all the way jalan tak jam, tapi aku berjaya sampai rumah exactly 7.30pm. cun-cun time buka! :D

dapur tengah dimodify, so selerak dan berdebu. hmm..tapi tak kisahlah. sedikit pun tak mengubah rasa excited aku nak balik kampung! ahaha entah, kadang-kadang aku ni bengos, tetiba rasa excited giler nak balik. kadang tu, tak ada rasa apa-apa pun!

kampung aku seperti biasa, sunyi jek. tak dengar bunyi mercun sangat pun. maybe tak ramai cucu-cucu balik ke kampung minggu ni. sunyi, gelap dan tak meriah. thats my kampung is..sebab tu sometime aku tak boleh berlama-lama. nanti bunyi jam berdetik kat tengah rumah pun aku boleh dengar! creepy! :)

hem..tapi aku ada khabar menarik aka sesuai dengan apa yang aku impikan beberapa masa ni. pasal tiang lampu. yang ni aku cerita lebih lanjut selepas raya! sebab misi tu akan berjalan sepenuhnya selepas raya. insyaAllah yang gelap akan mula terang!

ahad petang pergi shopping raya, bukanlah shopping sangat pun! beli beberapa baju jek untuk parents and adik aku. untuk aku? belum beli! ahaha sebab aku sangat serabut untuk membuat pilihan since masa aku pergi tu jakel segamat tengah buat lelong! adeii sakit telinga aku dengar dia buat promosi! saja nak bagi telinga aku penuh!

http://www.jakel.my/ support segamat! ahaha

oleh itu, aku tak bisa membuat pilihan yang wajar. so aku nak cari kat sini jek. aman sket! ahaha lagi pun aku amat fail kalau kena memilih di antara bergantungan baju-baju! ahaha mulalah nanti dalam beribu tu, tak satu pun yang aku suka...

lepas tu 'kuda ku berlari' pula ke bazaar ramadhan. cari makanan untuk buka. hmm..first time aku rasa aku nak beli banyak benda! maybe sebab selalu aku beli untuk aku sorang jek, tapi this time aku beli untuk family aku berempat (termasuk aku). so a bit excited! :D

wajib beli - popiah! ahaha entah hapa yang menarik. tapi aku suka makanan ni sebab tak rasa bersalah makan banyak pun! sebab inti sayur, luar pula crispy wrappers. aku suka biar popiah ni dalam sos, sampai lembik baru makan! haha feel :D


tapi popiah kat sini lebih generous. hmm...

then try air khatira. aku rasa semua orang kata air ni best la etc tapi aku rasa biasa jek. macam sirap bandung add with lots of jeli, selasih etc aku pun bukan peminat air sangat. cuma maybe kalau puasa, aku rasa best kalau dapat minum air tebu! hihihi selain tu, biasa je..

bazaar kat segamat, luas and convenient. tapi since aku bukanlah peminat makanan sangat, so aku rasa food yang ada macam sama jek. kuih-kuih, lauk-lauk, air, ayam percik, ayam golek etc oh! ada satu benda baru aku jumpa. satay goreng! hmm..maybe boleh cuba next time before raya?

alamak! cintanya...dah pukul 6am. aku nak tulis malam tadi, fresh balik dari kampung. tapi mat top nih asyik restart tak tau kenapa, install updates tak sudah! tu yang kena update pagi ni...

sambung balik...then malam tadi about 8.45pm kuda ku meluncur pula balik kl. ahah betapa laju kuda ku berlari, by 12am sharp-sharp aku dah sampai rumah K.D. Giler laju kuda ku nama kylie! haha jalan tak jem, walau pun ada banyak kereta. tapi rasa overall this few hour journey and stay, rasa free and easy :D

Oklah, nak get ready for work etc

yang akan selalu menerangi, walau di mana gelapmu! ~ sun_bu

Friday 12 August 2011

my father is my hero!

today i skip work for some interview! ahahaha bad girl! it's a big secret, so please dont tell anyone....plssssss... hahahaha

after that i went to pay saman. bluerghh...now they really drink people's blood i think! parking summon (police) is RM100!!! see, today my blood already drained! cause i got TWO police summon for parking! :(
*x payah raya lah...

sad to think actually! this month only from early july to early august, i SUCCESSFULLY collected THREE mppj summon (thou i have monthly parking pass worth same value with one summon), and TWO police parking summon. dont have to be so damn clever, it's about half my salary!!! walaw....

right away after i paid the summon, my dad called. i was still blurred and disbelief of my just exchange fat-cash to the pak cik polis, so when my dad ask "bila nak balik kampung?" i spontaneously answer him "esok". well actually i haven't confirmed yet, since maybe i have to stay back little late after work tomorrow since today i'm disappear! (hihihihi).

anyway, i already plan before just not yet confirm. next week i will have another exam on sunday. so i cant go back, while the next week is raya week already. so this week is the best. anyway right after i told my dad that i just paid my summon, my dad start his comment! kaw-kaw!

ahaha been long time dont hear my dad bising like that to me! kikiki anyway it's true what, i only drive a little kylie (kelisa). how big my kelisa to obstruct a parking? by the way i'm double park in a straight road, so i'm not blocking any driver's view which might caused accident. if i'm parking at a junction, i can easily understand since it's hard to see overcoming car. but i'm parking on straight road. i think so far, no news heard about any accident happen around thou i might make the road little bit small. but small lane doesn't kill anyone, right?

so with the mppj people. i think they should be considerate, a lots! since there were VERY limited parking available. do they expect me to come as early as 7am? it doesn't solve a problem since there'll be some people come after me and double park as well. by the way, i BOUGHT and DISPLAY the monthly parking pass. cant they be more tolerate?

i don't have motorcycle license thus i don't have bike. by the way i just don't trust myself on bike! it's even more dangerous especially on the busy roundabout which will be converted to four-junction completed sometime on 2020? (been two month already, but nothing seem change!). so what choice do i have??

hate to say much! caused nothing change! i just write here, so i'm cool down a bit..it's like chasing for a star, but all the way was thorny and poisonous! bluerghhhh...bosan! @_x    

  

Thursday 11 August 2011

bior jek!

Hari ni dah tak terkira dah bengkek aku dengan bos aku tu..wani panggil dia 'yapayapa' ahaha boleh lah tu! sampai satu tahap, aku dah malas nak bengkek dengan dia. tadi finance kitorang tanya, bila boleh siap key in (copy balik! diulang: copy balik semula) PO yang dah siap dari new version, masuk old version? sebab aku dah malas nak bengang-bengang, aku jawab "don't know". dengan muka tak bersalahnya....hua3

ha, kan aku dah start kepala batu aku! tu r, korang ni saja naik lemak kan...mentang aku baik, pijak yer..aku dah tungkus lumus siapkan PO sebelum exam, balik lambat sampai, sekali hari ni dia kata aku tak baca attachment sampai habis? banyak la dia punya songeh! dengki r tu, sebab aku berjaya tapau licin PR-PR yang dah bermaharajalela atas meja aku tu, sampai aku nak tengok permukaan meja pun susah!

hem menyampah..aku malas nak cakap dia tu budget macam bagus sangat! tapi kelam kabut, dah le tu suka cari gaduh! x boleh ke settle baik-baik. dia sendiri yang saja cari pasal. kalau bercakap, nak meeeeeeenaaaaannnnng jek! tapi ada satu benda common. apesal eh? boss mana-mana pun, sangat takut dengan big boss diorang?

save their A#@ ke?? i think so! dan aku benci betul boss yang macam nih! macam tak ada pendirian sendiri! kenapa nak takut sangat, kalau rasa idea tu ok, fight je la. bukan semestinya fighting with big boss mean bad boss. it's called two way communication. it's called co-operation. it's called discussion. big boss pun manusia juga, bukan dia tak buat silap. walau apa pun alasan big boss, kadang tu bukan apa sangat. saja tunjuk power lebey! ah! bosan!  

hari ni hari yang marah. bukan marah sangat la. tapi terasa la juga nak pecahkan sesuatu! grrrrr....atas meja tu ada belambak lagi PO belum buat receiving. tau kenapa? sebab dia simpan PO tu nak mintak big boss dia sign, tapi sebab dah lama sangkut, dia lupa. so hari ni dia buat-buat rabun, tanya aku "i dont know why this PO still belum buat receivable. dah lama dah."

helloooo...tengok la tarikh tu. terang-terang warna merah, chop tu bulan MAY. Aku dah ada ke bulan May? mengong! pastu tak habeh-habeh tanya harga tv! LCD la, LED la..bukan nak beli pun! kalau aku jadi kedai tv tu pun aku malas layan! dari bulan lepas tanya, bersungguh! minta model no segala! beli tak juga...! ah! hapa-hapa tah!

serabut! grrr...

geget kang!

speedy recovery



dear me,
i wish for your speedy recovery.

take care, love
me

Monday 8 August 2011

suratan atau kebetulan

post ni bukan in english. sebab ia post yang sedih! hari ni tak sedih, best! sebab bos x de! aku la bos hari ni..hua3

tapi hari ni post sedih sebab aku berfikir banyak perkara. tentang pilihan. tentang keputusan. tentang masa depan. sebenarnya sebagai muslim, kita taklah digalakkan berasa bimbang akan perkara yang belum berlaku! membuang masa. lebih baik tumpukan pada apa yang di tangan. maknanya tawakkal atau pun berserah sepenuhnya kepada Allah. Dia lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya. cuma kita digalakkan berusaha, sedaya mungkin, daripada hanya duduk berdoa dan berserah nasib pada takdir!

aku rasa, aku seorang yang agak kuat. maksudnya aku tak senang-senang gave up. kalau dah tak boleh sangat, barulah aku surrender. dan aku pantang dicabar. erm...taklah pantang sangat, sampai sikit-sikit melenting. tapi lebih pada, aku selalunya berjaya buat apa yang orang fikir aku tak akan boleh buat! aku rasa bangga dapat membuktikan pada orang tu, yang aku boleh buat la...! bluerghhhh...

masa aku belajar diploma dulu, aku sangat 'sengap' aka bengap satu subjek math ni. masa spm memang ada amik add-math, tapi aku dari kelas akaun, cikgu add-math aku pula dari kelas mekanikal. belagak giler la dia, dan tanpa aku atau pun sesiapa dari kelas aku memahami, cikgu aku selalu tak nak ajar kelas kitorang. satu sebabnya, dia kata kitorang bukan pakai pun add-math! keputusan keseluruhan subjek add-math dan math-moden kitorang sekelas, sangat kontras! math-moden: A+ add-math: majority fail!

untung batu timbul, (*aku lebih suka phrase ni! ni baru betul untung, betul x?) aku ditakdirkan amik diploma electric! bayangkan betapa peliknya lecturer aku, macam mana ada sorang student engineering yang sengap sangat sampai tak tahu buat differentiation & integration? mati hidup balik aku dalam kelas dia! rentung! dan setiap kali aku akan diserang rasa takut, disebabkan aku tak tahu, tapi semua orang dalam kelas aku tahu!

kesian aku...dan aku sampai sekarang pun, masih dan akan menyalahkan cikgu add-math aku tu! namanya cikgu hamid. aku tak benci atau marah dia, tapi kalau dia ikhlas mengajar kitorang dulu, sekurang-kurangnya aku tak perlu repeat paper math tu 3x!! tak perlu extend diploma sampai 4 tahun! sekurang-kurangnya aku tak perlu sangat takut dengan perkara yang aku tak tahu...ketakutan yang tak terbayangkan...

aku belajar sendiri differentiation & integration tu sampai hampir lunyai buku tu aku guna! aku ulang-ulang cuba contoh dalam tu sampai aku faham macam mana jawapan tu didapati. akhirnya, aku boleh juga menguasainya, dan bila paper berkaitan dengan paper math tu, next level, linear system 1, aku tak risau sangat. aku dah ada keyakinan. aku dah ada pengalaman. aku dah mengatasi ketakutan yang tak terbayangkan tu! hahahaha bila aku lulus paper math tu, dengan bongkaknya aku cakap "aku dah tak takut kat ko lagi la!!'

sweet! perkara yang sama berlaku masa subjek network analysis 1. tu subject killer tu! aku belajar sampai menangis! sebab aku takut. dan sebab aku tak 'nampak' apa yang leturer and senior (yang repeat) nampak! aku takut, sama takut dengan subjek math tu..rasa aku bodoh sangat2! tapi x sia-sia aku menangis2 belajar! aku lulus dengan sekali exam, tak repeat. dan lebih sweet, aku antara student paling score on the test! wahahaha

siapa aku?

apa impian aku?

so hari ni sebenarnya aku memikir, siapa aku sebenarnya? apa destinasi aku akhirnya? sejak tengok movie repunzel then rango, aku jadi semakin banyak berfikir tentang masa depan. selain faktor-faktor lain yang seolah 'memperkecilkan' aku. tu sebab aku banyak buat perubahan besar tahun ini. kebanyakkannya secara rebellion! kalau aku rasa menyusahkan sangat, aku pangkah dengan senang hati! eh-eh tak lah senang hati sangat, tapi bila aku pangkah, tu maknanya aku dah menyampah giler! x boleh diubah lagi..

tapi tak semua keputusan yang aku pernah ambil adalah betul. maksud aku bila betul tu, ialah aku rasa puas hati dan tak rasa terkilan apa-apa selepas tu. tapi, ni sekarang ada satu keputusan yang sedang bermain-main di fikiran. meminta untuk dipertimbangkan? adakah aku terkilan? menyesal? aku bukan tak seronok dengan situasi sekarang, cuma menyebabkan tekanan. selebihnya aku enjoy juga. lagi pun masa singkat sangat untuk membuat keseluruhan gambaran. so?

ada satu guideline yang aku rasa berguna. kalau keputusan tu menyebabkan kesusahan yang lebih besar, so keputusan tu mesti diubah. sebab negatif lebih banyak dari positif. tapi aku tahu juga, lari tak pernah menyelesaikan apa-apa! dan aku bukan penakut, cuma perfectionist! haha so rasanya aku biarkan lagu ni menjelaskan dengan lebih jelas.

mungkin, ini dugaan untuk ramadhan 2011? hmm...mungkin juga...marilah kembali padaNya. moga dipermudah segalanya, amin.



walau kita dihadapkan, dengan pelbagai pilihan, mengapa sering terjadi, pilihan tak menepati? hingga amat menakutkan, menghadapi masa depan, seolah telah terhapus sebuah kehidupan yang kudus

Sunday 7 August 2011

mendengar dan didengar

aku tulis diari siang hari sekarang! orang tulis diari malam2 sebelum tido...ahaha tak kisah lah! satu lagi hari yang indah, walau pun aku belum melihat langit kat luar. tapi cuaca redup dan ada bunyi burung berkicauan (*wah!) sungguh aman...budak2 pun tak bising main bola kat taman bawah rumah aku ni since bulan puasa, nanti tak larat nak sampai petang! padan muke korang! kikiki

tapi malam nanti, aku la pula yang tak larat nak dengar bunyi mercun diorang! cis!

Ni cover international - bukan Malaysia
aku baru menamatkan bacaan buku ke 2 yang aku beli hari tu dengan kak yatie. Tuesday With Morrie. tengok, patut study untuk exam rabu ni, tapi aku study buku lain lagi! akaka ok-ok jap lagi aku start study ~ selepas jalan2 dengan kylie! hua3

apa yang menarik tentang buku ni ialah Morrie. Dia professor sosiologi, kerjanya memerhatikan manusia. dan dia sangat passionate dengan kerjanya menjadikan dia faham apa yang dia nak sampaikan pada sesiapa pun yang bertanya atau pun studentnya. so dia sangat terkenal dan disayangi, lagi pun sebab dia baik dan pendengar yang baik. Mitch adalah salah seorang studentnya dan dah terputus hubungan selepas grad. biasalah, sibuk kejar kerjaya dan duit. sampai dia tengok satu night show, tapi masa tu Morrie dah jatuh sakit.

so Mitch ambil kesempatan untuk jumpa Morrie, dan dari situ dia berbaik semula dengan Morrie. buku ni adalah tesis terakhir (tak rasmi) Mitch dengan Morrie. isinya tentang kehidupan. Morrie menghidap ALS yang menyebabkan dia mati perlahan-lahan iaitu selepas satu demi satu anggota badannya tak berfungsi. tapi Morrie seorang yang sangat tabah, semangatnya tak tersentuh oleh penyakit kejam tu. dan Mitch belajar banyak perkara dari situ.

lessonnya ialah tentang kasih sayang, hubungan sesama manusia, kemaafan, kemewahan etc satu perkara yang menarik bagi aku ialah kita sangat sibuk dengan perkara yang tak perlu. contohnya kejar duit. walau pun duit tu penting, tapi hubungan baik sesama manusia pun lebih penting. sebab sebenarnya kita perlukan satu sama lain untuk berkongsi - bukan saja kemewahan kita, tapi perasaan. perasaan tenteram, diperlukan, dan memerlukan. bukan rasa lengkap dan cukup segalanya, tapi hakikatnya kita tiada siapa untuk berkongsi.

lagi satu yang menarik ialah Morrie seorang pendengar yang baik. walau pun dia sedang terlantar sakit, orang yang datang jumpa dia lebih banyak didengar dari mendengar tentang Morrie. dia prihatin dan senyap-senyap ambil tahu dan ambil berat tentang semua orang yang dia kenal. menjadikan dia sangat selesa untuk didampingi.

aku sendiri tertarik untuk menjadi seperti Morrie yang hingga ke akhirnya, menjadi seorang yang banyak ilmu, passionate tentang apa yang dia tahu, mahu berkongsi tentang apa yang dia tahu dengan seluruh dunia, meninggalkan mutiara-mutiara kata yang berguna untuk dipakai orang walau pun selepas dia telah tiada.

wah! tapi aku bukan seorang professor, dan masih tak tahu apa yang aku benar-benar ingin tahu. sebab sampai sekarang, aku rasa ada banyak benda yang aku mahu tahu! hihihihi tapi sebelum ni aku ada terfikir untuk master bidang pengurusan. aku pun tak pasti lagi, cuma mungkin satu masa nanti sistem ISO boleh menerima sentuhan perubahan dari aku! wah! san-system? insyaAllah

oh..lagi satu, ada khabar duka. A-Zen (pokok bonzai yang aku beli dari ikea) telah selamat kembali menjadi sebahagian daripada sistem alam. sebenarnya sebaik dia aku bawa pulang dari imt, telah menunjukkan tanda-tanda tak sihat dan semakin layu hingga akhirnya genap sebulan, kering dan mati. seingat aku, dia sangat sihat malah berpucuk baru minggu terawal aku beli! sedih. mungkin dia macam aku, lebih suka berada di imt..ops?

atau pun sebab aku jarang 'bercakap' dengan dia kat rumah, lebih banyak bagi tumpuan pada mat-top dan yang lain-lain. kalau dulu, aku selalu 'tegur' dia pagi dan sebelum balik. even kalau nak hantar dia berjemur pun, cuma hari selasa atau khamis, sebab hari itu aku ada kat itac. kalau tak aku terasa meja aku kosong kalau dia tak ada.. :( apa pun, selamat jalan kawan. kamu menjadi sebahagian dari alam.

ok-ok berhenti mengarut! aku dah kata, something wrong dengan otak aku! sigh~

*bagi lebih jelas: tajuk post ini in english ialah listening and listened

  

Saturday 6 August 2011

auditor wanted

wake up around 9am today, have to go epf at pj to settle some issues, but cant proceed. will go there again on wednesday morning, as early as 8.30am! haha

then have no plan, but suddenly feel so damn nice riding to nowhere with kylie! :D no plan, no decided road, no destination ~ just enjoying the rides with kylie! weeeheeiii every turn, every stop, every corner - feel so smooth. i love my kylie, forever! ahahaha

then finally remember to bought something for buka and look for dates! today will be my first day buka with dates! after 6th day of fasting! how wasteful since i cant find dates at carefour in front of my house and everyday after work, i just couldn't think anymore, whats more to look for dates at giant or bazaar! ha....too tired!

so today menu will be fried spagetti with bla bla bla with ice-ream as desert and epal juice. hmm..good enough la, rite? tonite insyaAllah, will go for terawikh. in front of my house only, dont have to drive. haha

i just coming back fro giant actually. still not study my book yet, instead studying something else! my debt! OMG my money management was so poor!! my bank account is far from managed and now i'm checking and restructuring most of them while also planning for this year transaction. since my new company uses different bank account, and one of my bank account need to be vacant until at least next year, so have to decide which and which account to use etc

haaahhh..i hate house-keeping! because later i will discover that my personal life was so unmanageable! ha...now you should understand why auditor is such a very important person. maybe i should 'hire' one? ahaha

but today also i discover, i'm so lazy to think sometimes! i just dont care much. especially when matters involving my own personal life. i'm a single, no string attached. so my personal life was 100% on my own decision and exception. no one comment on it no matter right or wrong. see, i dont have auditor! thats why i'm so mess! erkkkksss..... @_x

i was faced with an offer today about buying some sort of id number which by having it, i have privileged to enjoy a savings of up to 70% whenever, where ever, i'm travelling. i mean - holiday. since i am planning to go to any island this coming birthday bash of mine (ekekeke!) and maybe next year planning to conquer Kinabalu; this offer sound very nice to me! (*lampu menyala!)

thus i'm interested to pay about 100 a year for five year, paid lump-sum today, (*promotion, they say) to get the id no. the best thing about it is everyone can use my id no, and still enjoy the savings. which i'm sure sound like can make some money to cover back my 100/year, right? but the thing is, i sometimes so blur that i dont know how to ask question! or maybe i talk a language the person cant understand! and to be worst, i haven't salaried since last month! which off-course another pain in the @#@$!

thats why now when i'm looking back at my personal life management -- oh no! it's suck! to make matter worst, i check their webpage, but very limited info available!! help...i cant help being distrust to people anymore!!! cant i live in a world where nothing should be suspicious???

http://www.duniakeriangan.com/ yo! ppl...help me with this..give me your opinion, should i trust this or not???

       

Friday 5 August 2011

bukan banzai

wahhhh...dah beberapa hari tak menulis! balik kerja sudah sangat penat, lalu tido! bangun sahur, dan pergi kerja semula..rutin yang *&^% sungguh...

hari ni ada orang tegur aku, dialog berikut:
"are you ok a?"
"y? not ok ke??" tanya ku dengan bersungguh.
"ya la..look bit not ok.." aku pun blur..hmm?

well, yup! aku sudah separuh mati semalam! kali pertama dan amat pasti, bukan yang terakhir aku akan mengalami situasi yang sangat hampeh seperti semalam! haaaa...sangat sedih! sampai nangis dengan kylie on the way balik rumah! berbuka kat opis dengan 'cekelat', berasa sangat penat hingga tak larat nak drive balik, sahur pun x bangkit dari tilam... :(

tapi hari ni agak bersemangat biar pun semalam, selepas 'kejadian' terasa nak sangat berhenti keje! entah, mungkin Tuhan mendengar rintihan seorang aku yang tersangat kesian semalam, lalu memakbulkan doa serta merta! hehehe (*thanks Allah!)

sebenarnya pagi tadi sampai lambat, tapi bila aku pandang jam kat radio kylie, dengan tenang dan bersahaja aku berkata dalam hati "o? dah lambat nih. tapi, ah, jangan kisah sangat jam tu!" sebelum tu hati dah terbulat satu resolusi supaya aku tak ambil pusing sangat pasal kerja. maksud aku tak perlu sampai sangat tertekan! kalau dateline sampai, tapi barang tak ada -- biarlah. kalau boss nak bising, marah sampai juling atau keluar anak tekak -- buat tak tau je.

sebab: sebelum aku x berjaya complete the assignment, aku sudah separuh maut berusaha mendapatkannya! kadang2 ada perkara yang tak kira sekuat mana kita berusaha, memang rezekinya tak ada. tuhan cuma mahu kita belajar berusaha, mungkin rezekinya ada pada masa lain. tempat yang lain. keywords: usaha.

aku yakin, aku bukan orang yang suka2 tak nak siapkan sesuatu tugasan. aku bukan seorang yang tak bertanggungjawab. i take pride in what i'm doing! so, bila dah tak ada, memang tak ada. memang tak boleh! biarlah diorang nak buat apa pun....

dengan resolusi tersebut, aku pun melalui hari ini dengan semangat baru yang umpama phoenix bangkit dari abu! wahahaha allahu-akbar Thanks teramat sangat juga untuk kawan-kawan yang selalu ada membantu menjadi tempat meluah rasa! owh...anda tahu siapa anda! saya rasa sangat bersyukur kerana ada anda menceriakan hari, moga2 tuhan memudahkan urusan anda juga, amin. :)

berbuka hari ni dengan top management (untuk sebuah kompeni tak berapa besar, top management juga tak lah begitu 'top'..hihihi). tapi aku memang sangat malas bercakap, dan hanya mendengar dan.......gelak! haha tak kisahlah, sebenarnya ini kali ke-2 dapat jemputan. rasa kalau tak join kali ni, macam aku tak nak berkawan pula, sebab yang first dah tolak. so accept je la kali ni. bagus juga untuk bermesra sesama rakan kerja, kan..(*kata hati ku la...)  

ku sangka kan ramai yang pergi, skali tak sampai 10 orang pun! so bayangkan betapa obviousnya aku yang dah la datang lambat ni (steamboat restaurant tu kat sunway), dan orang baru (sebulan), dan tak berapa peramah ni (tak tau nak cakap apa, pula tu duduk sebelah bos!)...obviously! haha sampai bos kepada bos aku pun tegur, yang aku tak banyak cakap dengan dia.

ahahaha sabarlah, tunggu sikit masa nanti aku 'bercakap'! kakakaka

Yey! sudah jumaat! weekend ni, study. since rabu ada exam. wah! selamat berjuang lagi...bermati-matian! percaya tak, kita hanya boleh 'merasa' manisnya masa lapang, bila kita tak ada masa! bahawa peluang sangat susah datang kali kedua! kalau kali pertama kita dah tolak, mungkin bila kita toleh lagi untuk revised option kita, ia dah tak available lagi...dah obsolete. oleh itu, tak perlu jadi terlalu bijak untuk memilih, pilih je. dan hadapi pilihan tu dengan berani. take the risk! kalau akhirnya memang tak boleh, thats it! tak boleh lah..tapi kita telah berusaha..telah belajar berusaha! :)

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance. Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking. Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
i hope you dance ~ ronan keating
 

Wednesday 3 August 2011

the greed

i've submitted my raya leave form today! muahahaha i'll be on leave the whole week for raya since raya will be in the middle of the week, so -- no choice :) ahahaha it's unpaid leave actually! muahahahaha (*even more evil laugh!)   

today i realised one thing - my bos was not so evil actually! ahahaha why i say this? not to 'buy' anyone, but honestly she's a bit clumsy and perfectionist. she's a kind who know all and expect you to know ALL as well, maybe as much as she know, which obviously you cant be - yet...! hehe well if i know all, then our situation surely be different. because i already the boss on that time! make sense, right?

anyway, she's a bit humane despite her never ending list of instruction. dont know, maybe her father was a captain commander, so she born to give orders only! ahahaa on my side, i'm still fine since i still can cope with it. but my workmate sures already started to cursing and rampaging papers etc too much watching anime, makes me imagine my situation like being in the middle of two fighting warrior. but instead of using swords and shiny blades, they use their tongue! and pointing hands and fingers towards each other! ahahahaha (*dreaming eh?)

this morning while i was searching for old time PO for account auditor, my boss and sures was about to shout and blame each other since theres an item about to send out, but the s/n still not attached to it! i think i heard she told sures about it yesterday. but maybe sures is too confused and yet to figured his task, makes him blur2 (*like me before! haha) and the project people already started to 'bising' makes it worst. end up sures complaint to me that she give to much order while the previous is still undone!

actually, our situation is much similar. mine also never ending. when i was about to inhale a long breath of victory (of completing most pr) then they'll come knocking on the doors with new pr. urgent. all pr also urgent! when asked for their expected delivery date, the answer is as soon as possible. is that an answer? in planning-wise, please give date ler weiii...haishhh

but what to say, it's my job. i was part of the big team, help them managing the deliverable. they cant do it by themselves, that is why i was hired. so i should be proud doing it. at least by understanding my existence, whether they appreciate or not, i myself know and be proud of what i'm doing. and up to date, i managed to save company money of RM27! HAHAHAHA i dont have target on this, yet, but i hope to see bigger amount from time to time. thousands? millions? insyaAllah will discuss with mama-sharon on this, asking for tips or vendors recommendation, soon :D

today roughly everything went smooth except by after 2pm i'm started to be restless and my mind cant seem to think clearly. like if you drink caffeine but you still sleepy, your thoughts is far and bigger, but your action and your movement is no where! you thought you already there, but you not actually moving! it effects my whole afternoon. i dont have mood to go home even already on 5pm, thinking that theres a lot more for me to do, but my hand just dont want to do anything! dont even feel like buka, so i just tapau kfc! because i have no mood to walk and think and decide while in bazaar later! what a day!

analyzing the situation later after marghrib prayer, i realised that it was all about GREED. i want more of what i have, what i already get. so that is the 'caffeine' i'm talking about. it move me, but i bit off more than i could chew! OMG..help restraint my restless soul! my humane boss plus encouragement i receive accompanied with my speed and my ability -- i become greedy since i can do all, get all. but then it's 'saturated' and i crash like sugar crash! hahahaha

ok -ok good lesson learnt today :) try to calm down after this - first thing first! i write a long diary today, because i'm not so sleepy and i didn't writes at wee hour, its just 10pm now. but i better stop since i cant stand the kids popping the fire crackers like my ears are belong to no one! grrrr...later i call the police, then only they know! so my plan is to study (next week my first exam paper on wednesday!) while listening aloud to raya song! hiyarkssss...ganbatte!   


Office bully?

Waaah! hari ke 2 puasa berjaya sudah! alhamdulillah memasuki penghujung hari ke 2 ramadhan aku mengadu kat wani, penatlah puasa sekarang! ahaha serius, dulu aku tak lah rasa penat sangat. tapi this year terasa very tiring! hujung-hujung pukul 4.30pm tu aku dah tahap tak boleh cakap! suara dah tak terkeluar! kakakaka

penat sangat mungkin, never-ending task and komitmen dengan masa. atau pun sebab dah kena psycho oleh masa! hari first, aku pergi reverse kylie sampai terlanggar tembok kat belakang kereta! bengos! nasib baik kylie tak cedera parah! calar la lagi! adooi...sorry yer, mommy sangat 'mengeletar' first day puasa tu sampai terfikir juga maybe ada orang nak kena langgar kalau tak betul2! hihi alhamdulillah tapi selamat sampai ke rumah etc 

hari ke dua bos bergaduh dengan workmates! tak tahulah kalau diorang memang dah ada 'sejarah hitam' ker haper kan? tapi bagi aku, walau pun dah kerja beberapa tahun, ini kali pertama menyaksikan pemandangan pergaduhan mulut sedemikian rupa! ada juga macam tu e??

puncanya sebab bahasa. kat iql kitorang tak boleh guna mother-tongue. strictly english or malay only! tapi aku tak kisah sangat pun. janji bila korang cakap dengan aku tu, cakap bahasa yang aku faham. kalau tak, korang cakap je la dengan dinding ke...ekekeke tapi cara diorang menegur ni memang tahap #$$#@$. well, for me if you want to be respected, respect others first la kan? talk nicely, then people will talk nicely to you. tapi kalau dah talk nicely, diorang still talk like &%$$, then approved to proceed with your vulgar style! ahahaha tapi aku pun memang tak terdidik sedemikian rupa. so, selalunya aku avoid orang-orang macam ni..aku kan budak baik! ekekekeke

no comment!

professionalism. hmmm...perkataan tu memang agak kurang terpakai di sini. sad to say....

ah! dah pukul 4.30am! nak kena prepare sahur. hari ni sahur cambell soup je la. malas betul nak masak atau goreng2..add with milo and popia buka semalam! wahahaha harap2 membantu hingga ke petang, insyaAllah.

ok, to all good luck for the 3rd day of ramadhan. bertabah yer dengan dugaan-dugaan. mari ambil yang positif dari setiap yang negatif! walaw.... :)
 

Tuesday 2 August 2011

Ramadhan & me

Yey! it's finally here :D Alhamdulillah this year i'm still able to fasting and already am finish day one today! yah-yah let's do it, another 29 days to go! hahaha

Theres a lot of things, memories when it comes to ramadhan. some of it, is like a background music being play over and over every ramadhan! like my dad reminders on the first night of ramadhan to 'niat' for fasting for the whole month. because it's once a year, so we tend to forget is'nt? so my dad will announce on the first night, loudly before everyone went sleept, to quickly niat puasa..

then when it comes to buka or breaking fast. theres one drink cant never be forgotten! it's cincau! hahaha this is favourite drink in my house on ramadhan. maybe because it has cooling effect since we all dehydrated all day long and usually ramadhan will be hotter than ever! ihihihi (or actually, it's feels hotter since we cant sip any cool drink?) my dad use to say, if the cincau submerged to the bottom, it's mean the drink not sweet enough. but if it floated, then it's sweet enough. and so far, it's really is! so no need to worry of complaint/s if your drink sweet or not! it's really work you know... :D

then the sahur! (since i'm writing this while waiting for my sahur time). luckily i'm not so difficult to wake up for sahur even now that i'm stay by myself! sahur is s special as special like buka. i dont really know why but i felt it as merrier as buka even thou its at 5am in the wee hour! this is usually when i remember my mom most! caused she'd been preparing sahur since i was really little up to this age, without even waking up the whole house for help or any noises made! my mom is superb!

so today its become so obvious that i haven't drink soy for so long! i don't know why, but i really want to make cincau-soya for buka today! even bought the drink yesterday! but how on earth did i forget, i'm allergic to soy (if taken with empty stomach)! the result? my face and my respiratory swollen and my chest and my stomach hurt! ouch! what a nice first day buka experience! wahaha but oklah, i know to be extra careful the next time...please remind me yeah?

when it comes to puasa, the biggest challenge is time! it's rushing to get everything done. from coming back from work, buy/cook meals for buka, buka itself is rushing since have to chase time for marghrib prayer, then rushing again for terawikh. maybe i'm not obligated to all above, but it's true. go ask all the housewife especially, this is the month they are busy the most! and i forget to add, have to sleep early, because have to wake up early for sahur the next morning!

for single like me, it's still ok and under control. but don't know anytime soon...ahaha wish a cooperation from "all party involved"! hihihihi

but maybe that is the secret behind the ramadhan. on this holly month in islamic calendar, ramadhan was offered all the goods rewards on it! every good deeds rewarded multiple rewards, then other month. so those who play games, must know exactly what is this mean, right? but nothings come easy, you have to fight with time! time and patience, and planning is so crucial this month. who manage to plan their time, will get all the slots happily!

jikan-des! (it's time - to prepare my sahur!) wish you all, and my self a happy and easy ramadhan. may all the burden and challenges, thought something good behind. may we all be success to the end and celebrate meaningful eidulfitri this end of ramadhan! :D